All posts by erikhom@aol.com

The Morning of Breast Cancer Surgery – Now the Wait

September 9, 2008 erikhom@aol.com 1 Comment

“The weather isn’t nice, so I wouldn’t play golf anyway”

The alarm went off at 4:30 and I jumped out of bed to take a shower quietly while she slept another 20 minutes. Other than the early morning wakeup call and the lack of food (no eating before the surgery) this was our normal routine. I checked a few emails, put the bags in the car and read the paper while I waited for her to come down. I smiled at all her last minute things she wanted to get done – mail bills, throw her iPod in the overnight bag, make sure the kids had all their stuff ready for school. She grabbed her pillow and took one look around the house. I caught her crying and didn’t want to look or I’d start crying too, I looked out the window and said the only words I could think of to make her smile, “The weather looks gloomy, I wouldn’t be playing golf anyway”. I got a kidding hit to the abdomen and turned to see her smiling. We were ready to go. Check in time…6am.

While I went to the mailbox she waited for a second in the lobby holding her pillow. She ran into her surgeon who gave her a hug. She didn’t recognize her at first holding a flowery pillow and told her, “you looked like a little 15 year old girl”. Our surgeon is well respected (10 years of practice and a professor at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country) and like most, she has her idiosyncrasies when it comes to bedside manner, but that I can live with.

Upstairs we got checked in and my wife undressed and we put her clothes in the bag they provided. Reminder to some, leave your jewelry at home (I pocketed her wedding rings). If I didn’t know my wife’s exact weight by now, I got it told one more time as she got on the scale and we signed more consent forms. The administrative nurses walked off with her clothes and pillow (I kept her toiletry kit, cell phone and other valuables). The first doctor to some in was the plastic surgeon. He marked her body up like a smiley face and was really pragmatic. You definitely have to have vision. You could see his mind working like an artist as he marked up her body. Next was the anaesthesiology team. They once again confirmed my wife’s allergy to Codine. Last was the main surgeon. Always nice when they come in fresh faced and ready to go even at 7am! She said all was on schedule and spoke with me about when she’d come out to tell me how it went.

They then gave her the cocktail and within five seconds my wife was loopy. The cocktail has an effect of amnesia which will relieve any trauma in the mind. She was already laughing within 30 seconds and kissed me one last time before they wheeled her off into surgery.

I can’t believe that was two and a half hours ago. Surgery is half over already, I am assuming, and they are on to the second breast. I did go to move the car and drove a few blocks home to make sure my mom was okay and that the kids got off to school without any hassle. She said they didn’t have a clue as to the fact that their mother was off to surgery this morning. At least they didn’t say anything, but we think our son might know.

As they wheeled her off, I called her parents to let them know that she is off to surgery. Her father says he’s proud of her strength, but I’m sure her mother is worried being far away. She got a chance to speak to them yesterday, but waiting doors away is probably no easier than waiting 3000 miles away.

I will let them know this afternoon when I pick them up from school that mom is okay and will be gone just one more night. Whew..now the wait continues. Thank heaven for internet access and Starbucks coffee.

PS, I do think it ironic that as we spoke to the surgeons this morning and they asked if my wife had any reservations, the TV overhead playing in the room announced that Lance Armstrong, a cancer survivor was announcing that he was un-retiring.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

The Last Day – Preparing for Breast Cancer Surgery

September 8, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“I’m with you, you’re stuck with me”

The day before surgery there is nothing else you can do. I think I had more questions than my wife. You just go through the procedures at the hospital and then learn about a million more things about the surgery. The surgery is tomorrow at 7am.

We had three appointments today. Good thing I went. It was just a whole lot of information and stuff that you wouldn’t want to go through alone. I was sitting there looking around in the waiting room noticing 20+ women by themselves and only two husbands. I couldn’t imagine leaving my wife to do that without me there. The first appointment at 9am was to get the blood work. It was also a nice meeting with the anaesthesiologist and nurse practitioner. It was a very calm and relaxing meeting in which we made sure there weren’t allergies or history of complications. They give you a special soap to use the night before when you take a shower. They also recommend no eating after midnight and to take an Adavan before you go to bed and when you wake in the morning to take the edge off. When we get there they will give you a cocktail to get you drowsy and then make some markings on your body where the surgery will be.

The will then take her to surgery where she will be given Propaphal (sp?) which has basically replaced the truth serum anasthesia that they used to give.

At 11am we had our quickest appointment of the day, the visit with the nuclear medicine team. They injected her directly where the cancer is with a radioactive injection that will will follow her drainage to her sentinel lymph nodes. This is so the surgeon can use a Geiger counter type of device to find the nodes and take them away for a pathology study. Within 15 minutes they will know if there is anything in those initial nodes and if they will have to take more nodes. This nuclear medicine has a half life of 6 hours so must be done the day of or the day before the surgery.

At 1pm we got the final meeting out of the way. The pre-op appointment with the head nurse. It was informative including drainage information, pillows to take home, samples of the expanders that will be inserted and finally samples of saline and silicone breast implants. Pretty amazing I must say. I think I had more questions than my wife, but the advice was all good. One Big piece of knowledge. My wife’s surgery is called “A Total Skin Sparing Mastectomy” , so there you have it.

A couple of good reminders: No ice to reduce swelling! Observe the 90 degree rule and not raise your arms above your head, and don’t worry about showering for a couple days after you get home. Also, you are allowed to take Tylenol with Adavan.

It was a draining day and despite all our preparation, we learned so much more. There is an information overload going on and my mind is racing. Fortunately she is already asleep. Tomorrow will be a big day for both of us. I just hope I don’t forget anything last minute!

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Keeping the Routine (The weekend before breast cancer surgery)

September 7, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Keep your game face on” – today’s note to my wife

The weekend before the suregery (3 days and 2 days) before the surgery and we are trying to keep things normal. We lost our main distraction when my wife finished her massive project. It was such a blessing to have that project to keep us focused and distracted on a big task at hand. But now it is gone and we have only a couple of days to churn through. A whole weekend. So what do you do?

Day 1 of the weekend was the beginning of soccer season. Although the kids know mommy is going to have surgery for cancer we are not telling them the exact day so that they don’t get too worried. That said, they just know things. They can seen the tension and the irregularities in our life. Our son played a nice game of soccer and for once his mother wasn’t chatting and saw him score. A nice goal in which he kicked in a rebound reflection off his own shot. He was so proud of himself and when we congratulated him later, he said, “That was a goal for you. A goal of determination”. Darn kids, they sure can make you cry.

As I said, the goal was to stay the course for our kids so we had a couple of boys over to help celebrate our son’s birthday and make him feel like all is okay. They giggled their way to sleep.

Sunday was more prep and cleaning day. The things that I don’t do most of the time and won’t have time doing: 1) Laundry, 2)Watering the garden, 3) Answering all of her well wishes emails. I took our son to the football home opener. The 49ers slogan today was “Get your Game Face on”. Well we adopted it in our household. It is how we tackled the day getting everything done. Our family was a model of efficiency. We planned also to have a nice birthday dinner for our son and his uncle with the immediate family. The dinner was for them but also for my wife to get her mind off things. A quiet dinner at home was not what we needed. It was also a time to mentally walk through the logistics of the next two days – Who is picking up the kds? Who is going to be there during and after the surgery? Who is going to be with the kids when I’m at the hospital?

We’re about as prepared as we could be at this point. 99.5% prepared! Of course my wife is pounding out emails and running around making the kid’s lunches for tomorrow as I type this out. I think she is starting to drive me crazy with the last minute reminders. I just looked over at her and smiled. She got the point…Game Face…yes, put it on and keep it on.

We’ve started a nightly ritual of checking in with each other to see if we are both okay. Still anxious? Check. Had a good laugh today? Check. Had a good cry today? Check. Learn something new today? Check. What a day and weekend this was.

Tomorrow- Preparation day including Pre-op Lab work, Nuclear prep, pre-op with the RN

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Stand Up 2 Cancer (4 days to go) – Final meeting with Reconstruction Surgeon

September 6, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Be your own miracle”

– From “Stand Up” by Beyonce Knowles

Four days to go and the reminders seem to be all around us. There were women walking in all shades of pink around the city in their Walk against Breast Cancer. Our daughter asked why mommy was waiving at them, “Because I am one of them and they are walking for me”, she said. Then tonight was a major event for the organization Standup2cancer.org. I think it was a landmark event. It took just an hour but it was a fundraiser to bring ALL cancer research together. Some crazy stats:

Cancer takes so many forms and one person in America dies from cancer every minute.
Every other person in this world will have some form of cancer
500,000 Americans will die of cancer this year (1500 each day)

I actually watched the show alone as it was uplifting to the point of shedding a tear. My wife is going through so many emotions right now we agreed to Tivo it and let her just watch it after the surgery.

I also didn’t go with my wife to her last meeting with the reconstruction surgeon. I just thought it better that she ask her own questions and give her my questions on paper (of course she didn’t ask them). I mostly worried about her balance and how steady she might be although I know most people are walking around the next day. He had some good recommendations about relieving the pain and making sure not to let the drains hang too low as that is why they are painful. He said that ticket holders (hey my profession comes in handy) are great to put them in so they don’t pull on your skin. He also said that the tissue expanders aren’t as painful as some people think. It was a relatively short meeting so I think it came out okay. My wife had a few other personal questions about the recovery but the doctor seems to have given her all the right answers or at least the ones she wanted to hear. He told her that most of his work would be done two weeks after the surgery and just to watch under the bandages for any swelling or infections (redness).

At the end of the day we are exhausted once again, but it always is nice to catch up. It has become our daily ritual to check in with each other and see where we are mentally. She’s still a bit anxious, but more anxious to get this cancer out of her body and move on. Me, I feel like I’ve been managing the emotions of two people and she knows that. I told her that I’d rather be on the table next Tuesday unconscious because I don’t think I can spend 5 hours waiting around. I’ll need to buy a new pair of running shoes.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

“What are you thinking?” (5 days to go) – A Loving Fight

September 4, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin, Inventor

I’ve been asked how I view this blog. Well I view it as therapy as well as a resource for husbands with wives who have breast cancer. I’m not the same as every husband and I know I am unashamedly more sensitive than most guys, but heck I need support too. All of us do. The problem is that guys in general don’t open up and tell you how they are doing or feeling. In fact at yesterday’s meeting with the psychologist she offered an opportunity to attend a husband’s support group. I don’t think I’m ready for that personally. Also, contrary to popular belief, guys sitting around talking about their wife’s breasts just seems a bit peculiar.

In fact, this blog is a bit funny in that I’m actually finding this a great opportunity to speak my mind to strangers, yet when my cousin found my blog, I was a bit weirded out. it got too personal. I asked one of the other husband’s from school who has been a great resource and he said, “Yeah, I felt like everyone was staring at my wife’s chest for months. I told myself she was now a priceless piece of art, the Mona Lisa. People were now required to look at her through 2 pieces of bullet proof glass from a distance and pay an admission fee.” We chuckled and he told me I’d get used to it and that all the craziness and drama would go away as soon as I reached Stage 2 (post Surgery) and Stage 1 (The Wait) was over.

As the days lead closer to the actual surgery, we are being inundated with appt. emails (as well as calls from our next two presidential candidates (McCain and Obama) and our awareness of everything “cancer” is showing up. I notice the pink ribbons more, I notice more stories of other people with cancer. In the restroom at the mall was a series of posters for Searchforthecause.org. Looking at my own community I thought about not only my mother and mother-in-law and realized that I have 6 women related to me (including cousins and aunts) who have been affected by breast cancer. There are even more when I broaden my community to friends, neighbors and our school. Then I saw this televised concert tomorrow on CBS featuring Beyonce and just diagnosed actress, Christina Applegate, along with cancer survivors Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong. There is a new song called Stand up and you can buy it on iTunes to help benefit cancer research.

Yes, cancer seems all around us and I am having trouble focusing myself these days as well. I’m definitely in a good state and need to revisit my benefits on what I want to get out of this. There are definite gentle reminders in life to revisit your priorities and this is one of those times to do it. As Ben Franklin, said, “Energy and Persistence”. I have to get through it the next 5 days and we’ll be right there ready to start living a life of moving forward with new conviction.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

The Psychologist Visit (6 days to go) – A Loving Fight

September 3, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Stay focused and keep the course. Keep doing and stop thinking. Especially stop overthinking.”

Today was the meeting with the psychologist. Actually this is the meeting I dreaded because I don’t know how you can meet with people for one day and drop advice and hope that people take it right. It was also a meeting we didn’t have to take , but my wife said , “Let’s just go and listen”. It has actually thrown my wife off kilter. She hasn’t been able to stay on task at work all day and it has created more worry in her life. My wife was fine for the most part and now I had to undo what the psychologist did…..and of course, listening to my advice is not what my wife likes to do.

There were some good parts of the visit. The doctor first encouraged my wife that distraction is good and that what we are doing is right with her continuing her work. She also told my wife to start some breathing exercises so my wife doesn’t become dependent on Adavan (sp?), a drug my wife has been taking to deal with some anxiety. They don’t want you to become too dependent upon it. Then things got worse when she started reminding my wife of things that she didn’t need to remind her of and telling us how to handle other matters that we’ve already taken care of. What the heck?!!!

I have taken the responsibility of worrying about things for my wife and making sure that she doesn’t dwell on things and throw herself into a depression and suddenly this “Quack” does that. We were definitely in good spirits all the way until this psychologist starts telling my wife of people of longer recoveries than expected, kids who have been traumatized, and other roadblocks that we have discussed in the past, but have agreed to be prepared for, look out for, and deal with them when the time comes. This psychologist might have been trying to talk to us as if we were unprepared when everyone has told us so far that we were more than prepared. Argghhh!

It took a few hours, but I’ve gotten my wife’s mind focused back on other things. She’s in a good way. We spilled our anger over the psychologist’s thoughts and said, here’s what we will listen to…and the rest is “Quackiness”. We’ve refocused on the good points and are at piece. We laughed because my wife’s month long cough is finally gone. Definitely an anxiety cough and something the psychologist did say was likely a product of stress and even possibly the medication.

Today was the first day of school and there was some sadness for us. Two young families in the school with us lost parents this summer. One lost a father to an aggressive pancreatic cancer and another lost a mother to breast cancer which had metastasized into her liver. We had seen her all summer at the pool with her young sons and were saddened to hear of their loss.

At the same time, we are so grateful to have a wonderful core group of parents that we have told who have already approached us with help, food , etc. Such amazing people and we are so happy with our school community. They will watch out for our children to make sure that they seem okay with what is going on at home.

Hey wait…was this more of a distraction? I guess we somehow got distracted by more events and other drama, my wife got a lot of work done, our kids seem pretty psyched about school and soccer practice and our first games this weekend! 5 more days of this!? Aiyyee! Somebody needs to distract me!

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

“Dad, is mom going to be OK?” – A Loving Fight

September 2, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Stay Focused. We’re almost through the hard part of waiting.”

The waiting is almost over, thank goodness.

I have this little puzzle that sits on my desk which has 8 pieces that lend to success in the business place: Teamwork, Imagination, Knowledge, Determination, Optimism, Leadership, etc. Fighting cancer has been a little bit like that. I’ve called this section of the blog “A Loving Fight”, but like a heavyweight boxer, we haven’t even begun. We are one week out from her surgery and are still in the training phases. We can stop waiting and start recovering. Waiting is also a misnomer as we’ve spent the last month preparing. The “knowledge” piece of the puzzle is what we’ve been working on to prepare us. We’ve been stocking up on meds, food and pillows as well as getting those nagging little errands done like fixing the car, fixing small household projects and other things which would be pushed aside over the next several months. It’s crazy, but our home has never been more efficient. My wife is finishing off a monster project that has been a godsend as it has preoccupied her mind.

Me? What have I been doing? I’ve been gatehring all the information I can. Breastcancer.org has been a great resource for information. The forums have also allowed me to communicate with other peopl in our similar situation.I really do need to thank everyone there.

This week we have our final consultation with the surgeons as well as a psychological visit. I do think she needs the psych visit as she has had a nagging cough since her biopsy. It does however go away when she sleeps and when she is running around doing something exciting. She only gets it at night when she relaxes. So I do think the cough has to do with her anxiety.

We’ve managed to keep an even level of emotion in the household so it was a bit of a shock while on a walk to the store with my 8 year old son he asked me, “Dad, is mom going to be okay?” I stopped and told him everything would be all right and gave him a big hug. He’s always been wise beyond his years. He then asked, “Are you going to be okay?”. I hugged him and said, “We’re all going to be okay”. When we got home, he vacuumed our whole house which made us smile. I have to admit that if any of you remember the show, “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” starring Bill Bixby, I felt like I was living in an opening episode of one of those shows.

School starts tomorrow so the kids will now be bable to preoccupy their minds with friends, teachers, soccer and schoolwork. Anyone who says having kids take years off of your life needs to laugh and spend time with ours as they are going to be a big part of our healing process both physically and mentally. They have a lot of things going around in their tiny little heads, but they aren’t immune to the situation.

Travels: The Route 53

Hotel Palomar – San Francisco

September 1, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Hotel Palomar (A Kimpton Hotel)

www.hotelpalomar-sf.com

12 Fourth Street at Market
San Francisco, CA 94103

Reservations 866.373.4941
Hotel 415.348.1111
Fax 415.348.0302

Cost: $$

Hotel Decor: 95 (warm and sleek contemporary design with silver finishings)

Hotel Amenities: 85 (Work out and business center as well as gourmet restaurant located on 5th Floor. Don’t miss Happy Hour)

Neighborhood Scene: 90 (Urban touristy. Not relaxed or perfectly safe at night)

Miscellaneous: 95 (Take a cab or park down the street in the 4th and Mission Garage. It’s cheaper)

Overall Wow Factor: 87 (You can’t get this quality for this price. Join the Kimpton newsletter to hear about their specials)

Much like the Hotel on Rivington, the style of this San Francisco luxury hotel is modern but not too over the top. The Palomar has picked up an animal (Leopard and Zebra) print theme that has expanded its brand to other Palomar locations in the US. Unlike the hotel on Rivington, the Palomar successfully hides itself in this nieghborhood and whisks you off the hustle and bustle of downtown San Francisco. Located five stories up (located above the 4 story Old Navy flagship store) the décor invites closer inspection such as the nude drawings outside the 5th Floor restaurant by Sayles. The lobby is located on the ground floor and is very similar in simplicity and style to the boutique hotels found in Paris.

The Hotel Palomar is centrally located near the SOMA district with easy access to great restaurants, the Moscone Convention Center, the Sony Metron, the MOMA, the Jewish Contemporary Museum and at least half a dozen other museums. It is also three blocks away from famed Union Square, but just across the street you will find Barney’s, the Apple Store and the Virgin store. Around the corner you will find the San Francisco Center (formerly Emporium) which houses a gorumet food court, hundreds of high end shops and a cinema multiplex. The location makes this hotel appealing to those suburbanites looking to get into the city for some action or conventioners looking for an alternative to the Marriott (Jukebox) across the street, the loud and trendy W or the new Intercontinental blue eyesore.

Our King size room was quiet despite the traffic down below on Market Street and overlooked the Virgin store and Apple store. The room offers Leopard and Zebra print robes and the generously sized bathroom offered a jacuzzi soaking tub which is very relaxing after all the walking you will do in San Francisco. Definitely use it as the shower was lacking in size tucked into the corner when there was lots of room.

What do we reommend for food. If on a budget, try Coriander (Thai food) in the San Francisco Centre food court. Two items (Cripy Basil Chicken and Spicy Catfish over rice for just $8 is good for a conventioneer’s budget and don’t miss the Beard Papa Cream puffs ($2) also located in the food court. If the hotel’s 5th Floor restaurant won’t do, other great restaurants within walking distance include Two (Hawthorne Lane off of Howard between 2nd and 3rd), Roy’s (Mission and 2nd), Lulu’s (4th and Folsom) and XYZ (located in the W on 3rd and Howard) offer great alternatives. Also try the Samovar Tea House located in the Yerba Buena Gardens where you can sit down with a beautiful view of the area while going through all of your purchases.

If you joing the Kimpton’s newsletter you will see lots of special offers that will save you money so you can go on those shopping sprees. Our King Size room only cost $159/nt on a holiday weekend making this hotel an easy urban getaway spot.

Sleper sofa with Virgin Store out the window

While I am a local San Franciscan, I do have to add that the Cable Car line on Powell St. is just a block away. You can catch the cable car all the way to Fisherman’s Wharf and Ghirardelli Square from there.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Skin-Sparing Mastectomy – A Loving Fight Against Breast Cancer

August 29, 2008 erikhom@aol.com 1 Comment

“Inspiration comes in many forms. Let’s keep our eyes open.” – Today’s email to my wife

Actually something less formal like “Keep on Truckin'” might have been a more appropriate word of the day as we headed into this Labor Day weekend. We are both working the late shift getting major projects done and trying to keep our lives as hectic (normal) as possible. We still keep getting the “How are you doing” phone calls which we politely respond to, but then have to cut short not only because we are so tired of telling everyone, but also because we have so much to do before the surgery.

The surgery itself is fairly new but even moreso is the reconstruction. The following photos from Breastcancer.org describes the basic procedure:

: Skin-Sparing Surgery Image from Breastcancer.org

A pink line indicates “keyhole”–like incision

B pink highlighted area indicates tissue removed at mastectomy

The major difference for my wife is that the “A” incision will be done above the nipple and not around the nipple thus sparing the nipple as well. We were told that this can only be done if the nipple has not yet been exposed to the cancer as some tissue is left around the nipple. This is a surgery more recommended for women who are early stage. My wife was also told that she did not have enough tissue from other parts of her body to pull from her tummy or her back shoulders so this was probably the best way if she wanted reconstruction. Each side takes an additional 45 minutes.

Many husbands might be adverse to the feel etc of implants, but for me I think this is the woman’s choice. Many believe that reconstruction will best leave them with a mental state that will help them adjust to life after cancer. This is truly the woman’s decision and I think that every spouse or significant other should try to stay out of the reconstructive decision and not pressure their spouse to do it. While I wanted my wife to choose reconstruction, I feel better that it is her choice that she made and fully understand her reasoning. I also think the doctors believe it is the right decision for her and she is making it for the right reasons.

I know some people might think I’m full of baloney on this, but one of most inspiring stories I ever witnessed was that of Dave Dravecky, the SF Giants pitcher who lost his arm to cancer. I happened to attend that game when he lost his arm. I heard it snap. I cried for him and still cry when he comes back for Giants reunion games. It wasn’t just any arm , but a million dollar arm that earned him a living. Did he choose to wear a prosthesis? No. He says sometimes he still dreams that his arm is still there. But that is not the end of Dave’s story. he has gone on with his life as a pitching coach and inspirational speaker for those not only diagnosed with cancer, but those he need to be inspired even when they lose something so important and identifiable as who they are.

While my wife’s chest is not the same as a pitcher’s arm, for her it is part of her identity internally. Only she knows that and there is no way I will be able to relate to that.

At the same time, my wife is wondering how I can be so unselfish about this. She has always laughed about my infatuation with the human drama of sports. I do have a bit of a ridiculous man-crush on my idols, Jerry Rice and Joe Montana and she never got it. I often told her the story of Dave Dravecky and his inspirational life. She never got it until now. Now she knows how I feel about her. Things do come full circle and our inspiration can come from many places and might have been with us all along.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Peace & Quiet – Creating a Calm Before the Storm (A Loving Fight with Cancer)

August 28, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“In peace, we shall find solitude and in solitude we shall find clarity. In clarity we will gather the strength we need to succeed.”

Yesterday was abstinence day. No talking about “it”. We spent our first full day of not worrying about “it” or planning for “it” or thinking about “it”. We needed a break and my wife was surprised at how easy it was to really immerse herself in life. Kids, school, work, etc. all just seemed to be more rich.

This morning I showed her the article on breastcancer.org which talk about how a positive disposition led to 25% less risk of cancer. Kind of a silly article. I’m sure more depressed people smoke and drink or have bad eating habits that are not good for you, but I don’t think it means that having a good disposition can heal you. We do agree that when struck by such bad news that a negative attitude is not a fighting attitude. There is no gain to our children in being depressed when hit with adversity. Showing our children how we move through difficult times with a level head is one of the best lessons we can teach our children.

We still are monitoring our children daily for signs of stress and are keeping the conversations away from them. We have decided that i will get them used to me or other people taking them to school so that they aren’t worried the day mommy goes into surgery and really won’t know until after it is over. As for our social activity, we have been running ragged getting vacations and other things done as we feel like we might be limited in that way for the next several months. But we aren’t social butterflies anyway so we have learned to start saying no to people and trying to keep our schedule pretty clear until the day of the surgery (actually the day before the surgery). In fact people have been asking me how I can remain so calm. I really can’t say that I am. I’m still feeling tired during the day. There is a layer deep inside me filled with adrenalin worrying about my wife. I’m finding myself being tired everyday when I get home.

I know this is a tangent, but we’ve been getting lots of inquiries about our surgery that my wife will be undergoing. It appears that my wife’s skin-sparing mastectomy surgery is a little different. I will be writing more about it tomorrow.