“What are you thinking?” (5 days to go) – A Loving Fight

September 4, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin, Inventor

I’ve been asked how I view this blog. Well I view it as therapy as well as a resource for husbands with wives who have breast cancer. I’m not the same as every husband and I know I am unashamedly more sensitive than most guys, but heck I need support too. All of us do. The problem is that guys in general don’t open up and tell you how they are doing or feeling. In fact at yesterday’s meeting with the psychologist she offered an opportunity to attend a husband’s support group. I don’t think I’m ready for that personally. Also, contrary to popular belief, guys sitting around talking about their wife’s breasts just seems a bit peculiar.

In fact, this blog is a bit funny in that I’m actually finding this a great opportunity to speak my mind to strangers, yet when my cousin found my blog, I was a bit weirded out. it got too personal. I asked one of the other husband’s from school who has been a great resource and he said, “Yeah, I felt like everyone was staring at my wife’s chest for months. I told myself she was now a priceless piece of art, the Mona Lisa. People were now required to look at her through 2 pieces of bullet proof glass from a distance and pay an admission fee.” We chuckled and he told me I’d get used to it and that all the craziness and drama would go away as soon as I reached Stage 2 (post Surgery) and Stage 1 (The Wait) was over.

As the days lead closer to the actual surgery, we are being inundated with appt. emails (as well as calls from our next two presidential candidates (McCain and Obama) and our awareness of everything “cancer” is showing up. I notice the pink ribbons more, I notice more stories of other people with cancer. In the restroom at the mall was a series of posters for Searchforthecause.org. Looking at my own community I thought about not only my mother and mother-in-law and realized that I have 6 women related to me (including cousins and aunts) who have been affected by breast cancer. There are even more when I broaden my community to friends, neighbors and our school. Then I saw this televised concert tomorrow on CBS featuring Beyonce and just diagnosed actress, Christina Applegate, along with cancer survivors Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong. There is a new song called Stand up and you can buy it on iTunes to help benefit cancer research.

Yes, cancer seems all around us and I am having trouble focusing myself these days as well. I’m definitely in a good state and need to revisit my benefits on what I want to get out of this. There are definite gentle reminders in life to revisit your priorities and this is one of those times to do it. As Ben Franklin, said, “Energy and Persistence”. I have to get through it the next 5 days and we’ll be right there ready to start living a life of moving forward with new conviction.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

The Psychologist Visit (6 days to go) – A Loving Fight

September 3, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Stay focused and keep the course. Keep doing and stop thinking. Especially stop overthinking.”

Today was the meeting with the psychologist. Actually this is the meeting I dreaded because I don’t know how you can meet with people for one day and drop advice and hope that people take it right. It was also a meeting we didn’t have to take , but my wife said , “Let’s just go and listen”. It has actually thrown my wife off kilter. She hasn’t been able to stay on task at work all day and it has created more worry in her life. My wife was fine for the most part and now I had to undo what the psychologist did…..and of course, listening to my advice is not what my wife likes to do.

There were some good parts of the visit. The doctor first encouraged my wife that distraction is good and that what we are doing is right with her continuing her work. She also told my wife to start some breathing exercises so my wife doesn’t become dependent on Adavan (sp?), a drug my wife has been taking to deal with some anxiety. They don’t want you to become too dependent upon it. Then things got worse when she started reminding my wife of things that she didn’t need to remind her of and telling us how to handle other matters that we’ve already taken care of. What the heck?!!!

I have taken the responsibility of worrying about things for my wife and making sure that she doesn’t dwell on things and throw herself into a depression and suddenly this “Quack” does that. We were definitely in good spirits all the way until this psychologist starts telling my wife of people of longer recoveries than expected, kids who have been traumatized, and other roadblocks that we have discussed in the past, but have agreed to be prepared for, look out for, and deal with them when the time comes. This psychologist might have been trying to talk to us as if we were unprepared when everyone has told us so far that we were more than prepared. Argghhh!

It took a few hours, but I’ve gotten my wife’s mind focused back on other things. She’s in a good way. We spilled our anger over the psychologist’s thoughts and said, here’s what we will listen to…and the rest is “Quackiness”. We’ve refocused on the good points and are at piece. We laughed because my wife’s month long cough is finally gone. Definitely an anxiety cough and something the psychologist did say was likely a product of stress and even possibly the medication.

Today was the first day of school and there was some sadness for us. Two young families in the school with us lost parents this summer. One lost a father to an aggressive pancreatic cancer and another lost a mother to breast cancer which had metastasized into her liver. We had seen her all summer at the pool with her young sons and were saddened to hear of their loss.

At the same time, we are so grateful to have a wonderful core group of parents that we have told who have already approached us with help, food , etc. Such amazing people and we are so happy with our school community. They will watch out for our children to make sure that they seem okay with what is going on at home.

Hey wait…was this more of a distraction? I guess we somehow got distracted by more events and other drama, my wife got a lot of work done, our kids seem pretty psyched about school and soccer practice and our first games this weekend! 5 more days of this!? Aiyyee! Somebody needs to distract me!

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

“Dad, is mom going to be OK?” – A Loving Fight

September 2, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

“Stay Focused. We’re almost through the hard part of waiting.”

The waiting is almost over, thank goodness.

I have this little puzzle that sits on my desk which has 8 pieces that lend to success in the business place: Teamwork, Imagination, Knowledge, Determination, Optimism, Leadership, etc. Fighting cancer has been a little bit like that. I’ve called this section of the blog “A Loving Fight”, but like a heavyweight boxer, we haven’t even begun. We are one week out from her surgery and are still in the training phases. We can stop waiting and start recovering. Waiting is also a misnomer as we’ve spent the last month preparing. The “knowledge” piece of the puzzle is what we’ve been working on to prepare us. We’ve been stocking up on meds, food and pillows as well as getting those nagging little errands done like fixing the car, fixing small household projects and other things which would be pushed aside over the next several months. It’s crazy, but our home has never been more efficient. My wife is finishing off a monster project that has been a godsend as it has preoccupied her mind.

Me? What have I been doing? I’ve been gatehring all the information I can. Breastcancer.org has been a great resource for information. The forums have also allowed me to communicate with other peopl in our similar situation.I really do need to thank everyone there.

This week we have our final consultation with the surgeons as well as a psychological visit. I do think she needs the psych visit as she has had a nagging cough since her biopsy. It does however go away when she sleeps and when she is running around doing something exciting. She only gets it at night when she relaxes. So I do think the cough has to do with her anxiety.

We’ve managed to keep an even level of emotion in the household so it was a bit of a shock while on a walk to the store with my 8 year old son he asked me, “Dad, is mom going to be okay?” I stopped and told him everything would be all right and gave him a big hug. He’s always been wise beyond his years. He then asked, “Are you going to be okay?”. I hugged him and said, “We’re all going to be okay”. When we got home, he vacuumed our whole house which made us smile. I have to admit that if any of you remember the show, “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” starring Bill Bixby, I felt like I was living in an opening episode of one of those shows.

School starts tomorrow so the kids will now be bable to preoccupy their minds with friends, teachers, soccer and schoolwork. Anyone who says having kids take years off of your life needs to laugh and spend time with ours as they are going to be a big part of our healing process both physically and mentally. They have a lot of things going around in their tiny little heads, but they aren’t immune to the situation.

Travels: The Route 53

Hotel Palomar – San Francisco

September 1, 2008 erikhom@aol.com Leave a comment

Hotel Palomar (A Kimpton Hotel)

www.hotelpalomar-sf.com

12 Fourth Street at Market
San Francisco, CA 94103

Reservations 866.373.4941
Hotel 415.348.1111
Fax 415.348.0302

Cost: $$

Hotel Decor: 95 (warm and sleek contemporary design with silver finishings)

Hotel Amenities: 85 (Work out and business center as well as gourmet restaurant located on 5th Floor. Don’t miss Happy Hour)

Neighborhood Scene: 90 (Urban touristy. Not relaxed or perfectly safe at night)

Miscellaneous: 95 (Take a cab or park down the street in the 4th and Mission Garage. It’s cheaper)

Overall Wow Factor: 87 (You can’t get this quality for this price. Join the Kimpton newsletter to hear about their specials)

Much like the Hotel on Rivington, the style of this San Francisco luxury hotel is modern but not too over the top. The Palomar has picked up an animal (Leopard and Zebra) print theme that has expanded its brand to other Palomar locations in the US. Unlike the hotel on Rivington, the Palomar successfully hides itself in this nieghborhood and whisks you off the hustle and bustle of downtown San Francisco. Located five stories up (located above the 4 story Old Navy flagship store) the décor invites closer inspection such as the nude drawings outside the 5th Floor restaurant by Sayles. The lobby is located on the ground floor and is very similar in simplicity and style to the boutique hotels found in Paris.

The Hotel Palomar is centrally located near the SOMA district with easy access to great restaurants, the Moscone Convention Center, the Sony Metron, the MOMA, the Jewish Contemporary Museum and at least half a dozen other museums. It is also three blocks away from famed Union Square, but just across the street you will find Barney’s, the Apple Store and the Virgin store. Around the corner you will find the San Francisco Center (formerly Emporium) which houses a gorumet food court, hundreds of high end shops and a cinema multiplex. The location makes this hotel appealing to those suburbanites looking to get into the city for some action or conventioners looking for an alternative to the Marriott (Jukebox) across the street, the loud and trendy W or the new Intercontinental blue eyesore.

Our King size room was quiet despite the traffic down below on Market Street and overlooked the Virgin store and Apple store. The room offers Leopard and Zebra print robes and the generously sized bathroom offered a jacuzzi soaking tub which is very relaxing after all the walking you will do in San Francisco. Definitely use it as the shower was lacking in size tucked into the corner when there was lots of room.

What do we reommend for food. If on a budget, try Coriander (Thai food) in the San Francisco Centre food court. Two items (Cripy Basil Chicken and Spicy Catfish over rice for just $8 is good for a conventioneer’s budget and don’t miss the Beard Papa Cream puffs ($2) also located in the food court. If the hotel’s 5th Floor restaurant won’t do, other great restaurants within walking distance include Two (Hawthorne Lane off of Howard between 2nd and 3rd), Roy’s (Mission and 2nd), Lulu’s (4th and Folsom) and XYZ (located in the W on 3rd and Howard) offer great alternatives. Also try the Samovar Tea House located in the Yerba Buena Gardens where you can sit down with a beautiful view of the area while going through all of your purchases.

If you joing the Kimpton’s newsletter you will see lots of special offers that will save you money so you can go on those shopping sprees. Our King Size room only cost $159/nt on a holiday weekend making this hotel an easy urban getaway spot.

Sleper sofa with Virgin Store out the window

While I am a local San Franciscan, I do have to add that the Cable Car line on Powell St. is just a block away. You can catch the cable car all the way to Fisherman’s Wharf and Ghirardelli Square from there.