The Chamberlain – Hollywood, CA

CHAMBERLAIN WEST HOLLYWOOD  
1000 Westmount Drive
West Hollywood, California 90069
Reservations 800 201 9652  |  T 310 657 7400  |  F 310 854 6744
Cost: $ /$$
Hotel Decor: 89 Very Hollywood chic, but not tacky.  Remodeled apartment building.
Hotel Amenities: 85 All rooms are studios with sunken living areas. There is a small bar/restaurant and beuatiful roof pool with sweeping views of Los Angeles
Neighborhood Scene: 90  Located between West Sunset and Santa Monica Blvds. If you are looking for nightlife and are into the club scene, this is a great neighborhood
Miscellaneous: Also convenient to the Beverly Center Mall (15 minute walk), theatres and plenty of restaurants 
Overall Wow Factor: 85 For me I just like the scene.  The hotel room is spacious and comfortable and the roof top pool at sunset on a warm night is a great urban setting.
 
The Chamberlain Hotel
The Chamberlain Hotel
 
The Chamberlain is a unique hotel in West Hollywood a few blocks down from trendy Sunset Strip. It is a converted apartment building and caters mostly to male travelers.  On several occasions I’ve met screenwriters and other entertainment executives looking for a quiet and economical hotel options. Be warned that prices can increase significantly during the holiday season.

 

Since my Southern California office is near this location it tends to be my home away from home.  I do enjoy the friendly service from Angel (yes, she is a struggling actress) who runs the morning breakfast area to the wonderful poolside service at night where I like to rest in one of the cabanas.  it makes me think of starlettes in their white 50s bikinis with big sunglasses and palms trees sipping tropical drinks. 
As this used to be an apartment building, each room is a studio apartment with a balcony and a gas fireplace.  The bathrooms are fairly tight (a couple I know that stayed there complained about the lack of room for two people), but overall there is ample room.  Interesting to note is that there is a beauty bar full of products but most of them are geared toward men which might speak more to the West Hollywood neighborhood .
 
Chamberlain King Bed
Chamberlain King Bed
The king bed option is luxurious and the bed sits in the upper half of the studio and you walk down a few steps down to the living area.  A flat screen television sits between the two levels.  the room also comes equipped with the standard iHome clock radio which I’m starting to see in every hotel so be sure to bring you Ipod nano along.  I personally do not like to put my Nano in the iHome as I don’t want to forget it when rushing out in the morning.
Roof Top At Dawn
Roof Top At Dawn
The studio is comfortable for me and makes me feel like it is a place that I could see myself living in if I were still a bachelor.  This is important to me as it helps me to get to sleep at night.  The brown and blue colors as well as the fabric covered walls bring a nice homey feel to each room which makes it feel less like a hotel.
 
Close by I recommend getting a little lunch at one of the outdoor cafes and do some people watching on Sunset.  If you aren’t from the area, it’ll just make you smile and shake your head.  It is just a good way of checking out Hollywood and being part of the scene.  You’ll know if there are famous people if you see lots of people with cameras snapping away.  Some good places to eat are Caffe Primo at 8538 W. Sunset, Le Petit Four at 8654 W. Sunset and Le Clafoutis at 8630 W. Sunset.

This Time’s A Charm Blog Book Tour

I have just finished a book by Donald Wilhelm called “This Time’s A Charm”.  Its about Donald’s fight to survive cancer 4 times and beat the odds.  To me this is more than a cancer book but a personal philosophy book that I think anyone should read whether you’ve had cancer or not.  I am part of Donald’s blog book tour  (the last stop) and hope you all can follow along:

“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule

2/16/09 www.fightpink.org 
2/17/09 www.cancerbookreview.blogspot.com
2/18/09 www.uniboobclub.blogspot.com
2/19/09 www.moutray.wordpress.com
2/20/09 www.makesomelemondae.com
2/21/09 www.awesomecancersurvivor.com
2/23/09 www.serendipityfactory.com 
2/24/09 www.everythingchangesbook.com
2/25/09 www.cancercornerlive.blogspot.com
2/27/09 www.appendix-cancer.blogspot.com 
2/28/09 www.imtooyoungforthis.org 
03/1/09 www.route53.wordpress.com

I will publish more on my thoughts and feelings as well as ask Donald some questions that will be published on 3/1 right here along with Donald’s answers.

Someone Saved My Life Tonight

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid”
  –  I’m Still Standing, Elton John

I’ve been waiting for Valentine’s Day for a while.  I’m not a big believer in the day as like many people say, you should treat everyday like it’s Valentine’s.  Well that’s easier said and done.  I like to thing that I show my love everyday anyway.  For me Valentine’s is that day where I show more than ever how I feel and make just that little special effort more.  Of course this year was more special to me and my wife and I wanted her to know how much I appreciate her.  I had been offered tickets to a show in Vegas and debated between Love – Cirque du Soleil and Elton John’s – Red Piano.  I’ve always been the Carpe Diem person in the relationship and since we’d seen four different Cirque shows before and I felt like Elton John is one of those iconic performers you have to see, I chose Elton John.  I was not to be disappointed.  This day would be full of wonderful moments each of  which would make the day special in so many ways.

I can recall only flying one other time in my life on Valentine’s.  It was a snowy day in the East when I flew from Chicago to Raleigh to be with my then fiancee back in 1994 right before we got married.  A 90 minute flight turned into an all day affair because of the weather and by that evening we were traumatized.  This Valentine’s flight was much smoother.  Ironically I finished the book “This Time’s A Charm” by Don Wilhelm, just as we landed in Vegas.  As we approached Vegas I kept pointing to passages in the book and having my wife read it.  Real life inspiration and all around good attitude about living life to it’s fullest in the happiest way is all I can say about the book and I will dscuss this in more detail when I host Don on this blog on March 1st.

With less than 20 hours in Vegas we took that attitude and had a blast.  We walked all over the Casesar’s Palace resort and got the lay of the land.  This would be the first time in a while that I did not gamble a penny.  I will write a review of the hotel at a later fay, but the new Agustus wing rooms were great and we got a chance to even run into a professional basketball player that I think was shocked I knew his name ( Leon Powe is one of the more feel good stories in the NBA today).  His story should be read even if you don’t follow sports.  He is truly a wonderful human being and very humble despite all the accolades that he has received.

Heidi Montag of The Hills

We ate dinner at Bradley Ogden (a bit of a splurge) as I had made reservations before the show.  Our waiter enjoyed our husband/wife bickering over what to order.  The usual thing about changing my order because I didn’t want to order the same thing and then my getting chastised for being boring by ordering a Caesar’s Salad except when I listened and said I’d order the Foie Gras, she told me that was unhealthy.  Carpe Diem I told her. We’re living life right?  We’re celebrating, right?  So there it was, Foie Gras, followed by Risotto accompanied by a nice LaRoache Pinot.  Once dinner started we talked about our upcoming trip with the kids and how blessed we are by their presence in our lives.  Sure we want them to improve their manners and learn more of life’s social graces, but they are relatively easy children to manage.

As I mentioned, Elton John’s – The Red Piano was great.  Full of outrageous costumes, videos, and blow up dolls (cherries, bananas, breasts, roses, legs with garters, etc) along with balloons and confetti falling from the ceiling it was 90 minutes of toe-tapping fun from Benny and the Jets to Believe to Someone Saved my Life Tonight (my wife’s favorite) to I’m Still Standing (my favorite).  The words all had special meaning as we held hands and swayed.  The fact that the show’s theme was all about love made watching this on Valentine’s all the more special.   The video below was the romantic encore.  It set the mood just right:

That evening we lived like kids.  We went to one of the hottest clubs in Las Vegas.  Mind you this was Valentine’s and thus the party was crowded with pretty young people.  The night was hosted by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of The Hills.  We were probably twice the age of most people and probably one of only a handful of couples in there that have children.    Either way the atmosphere was vibrant and young and we felt so alive that we stayed up until 2:30am  (way past our curfew), leaving us little time to rest before getting up and checking out this morning.  Most importantly my wife and I had fun giggling about the scene, amazed that us oldies were hanging out withe youngsters and a couple guys offered to buy my wife some drinks!  She was so flattered and in the most round about of ways, that just made my wife let her hair down and forget about the night as her rejuvenation, but rather as her just remembering what it was like to take what life gives you and to run with it.  We never have PDA, but just kissing on the dance flow while listening to house music and having some 20-somethings say that we looked so in love, was kinda nice.

In the end it was a perfect Valentine’s evening.  It was a celebration of our love and the beginning of our life where we take the anxiety and worries of cancer and put them behind us as much as we can and move forward with a life we will be happy about living.  The smiles on my wife’s face were so wide last night and I held onto them tight because I hadn’t seen her so lively in months.  In many ways it was a zest in her look I’ve never seen before.  She looked so gorgeous because of it.

So much for this Hallmark Holiday.  It was really an enlightening Valentine’s and will be one of the top days in our life.

Dreaming in Music, Running through Life

Just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I’m lost.  Doesn’t mean I’ll stop.  Doesn’t mean I’ll cross.    – Lost by Coldplay

It’s been a long week trying to get annual reviews and other administrative tasks out of the way. That is also hard when you are trying to get ahead to go on vacation.  I feel like I’ve been on conference calls all week long and it is only Wednesday.   I always wondered how my generation gets lost in a job that will make the years pass.  Did my own dad spend 30 years going through the motions at the same job?   I can’t imagine looking into people’s mouths everyday for 30 years could pass the time so quickly for him.  I highly doubt it.  Maybe it is kids who help time fly.

Life is long and some days you feel better than others.  Some days you just don’t even want to get up and get out.  Tonight my mind said no and my body said no, but I neeeded to go for my nightly run.  Just like life every day, you feel up to the task and others you don’t.  As I ran I felt sluggish and my mind and body screamed for me to stop.  By the time I was done I was out of breath and felt totally wiped out until I heard Lance Armstrong’s voice on my iPod, “Congratulations, that was your best time yet”.  It just goes to show you that even on the most trying of days you can still give it your all and succeed. 

 I was so focused on the pain in my body that I almost forgot all the thoughts that ran through my mind as I ran.  It’s like working all day and forgetting all the conversations you had.   As I ran tonight in the refreshing rain I did some dreaming.  I’ve really been enjoying the song, Lost , by Coldplay.  I sometimes dream about my children playing the songs themselves.  My daughter on the piano and son on the guitar.  Silly I know, but the funny things that pass through your mind when running.  I think I do it quite often really.  My children have been on my mind a lot lately.  Because they were so helpful during my wife’s illness we let them devide our next family vacation destination.  They have both excelled at school this year despite all the distractions in our home.  Today we got the word that our daughter, like our son, was going to be put in advanced  math class.  It is such a relief to know your children are excelling in school.  It was the first time I had heard my daughter was exhibiting strong academic skills.

These are life markers.  Maybe these are the kinds of markers which got our parents through those long years.  It wasn’t their work but rather the lives they lived.  For me these days it is simply watching my children grow and watching my wife get better.  Seeing her take care of me and our children shows me that she is slowly regaining her confidence.  Small steps in life, but big steps for her I am sure.

I can’t wait to take her out this weekend for Valentine’s.  I know it is such a Hallmark holiday and we should live everyday like it is Valentine’s Day, but this Valentine’s is obviously a little more important than others in the past.

Paving the Golden (Gate) Road in Life

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back – Chinese proverb
Crossing the Golden Gate
Crossing the Golden Gate

This weekend I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge  early in the morning and listening to John Legend’s “This Time”.  It was a crisp morning and we were on our way to our son’s basketball game.  It was a family moment with our two children in the back seat, but as my wife turned up the volume and sang along, it became her moment and we all listened.  It is hard to explain the feeling when you listen to someone is appreciating what they have and is inspired by their own journey.  My wife never has been one to turn up the volume, but the song and the beauty of the morning sun gleaming off one of our country’s iconic monuments probably hit her.  I quickly captured the moment with my camera phone.

During the game I pulled out  a copy of  “This Time’s A Charm”, a book that I’m reading by Don Wilhelm, 4 time cancer survivor.  I’ll be part of his Book Blog tour which I will be part of during the beginning of March.  Don shows the power of positive thinking.  He does not claim it will heal all people, but I personally believe it affects those around you to see such a strong attitude when things are at their lowest.  I will write more about the book in the future, but I sat next to one of the other dads on the team.  He has lymphoma and has been suffering for three years and I know it has taken a toll on his family and his life.  I’ve asked myself if I should offer the book to him to read, but it is not my place. 

Back to my wife we took the weekend in stride and went after life.  We fixed things in the house like the broken lighting in our bathroom.  We also arranged our next vacation, played with our kids and let them help decide where we should go next.  We want to expand their life experiences while they are  young and innocent.  Our lives are touched and we are grateful for all that we have.  Despite my wife’s positive prognosis and people telling her how inspired they are by how she has responded, she has (and so do I) felt that her battle is nothing compared to what others have been through or are going through.    This weekend my wife heard from an online friend who has the same physicians and it always reminds her that she is one of many and that her struggle is still ongoing.  At the same time we heard from my wife’s brother than he and his wife are having their second child, a girl, this summer.  Along with my inlaw’s 50th wedding anniversary, this is shaping up to be a pretty eventful summer!

Tonight we watched the 60 Minutes special of local hero Chesley Sullenberger, the captain of US Airways flt 1549 that landed safely in the Hudson River with all 155  passengers and crew surviving.  He said in the interview that he didn’t think what he did should be warranting so much praise, but he understands the gratitude and is still learning how his actions can be so lauded even though what happened to him is something he had always wanted to avoid (losing a plane).  It is so amazing that what this guy did was such a success and textbook yet he felt so bad and questioned his actions as to whether he could have done better.  To me that is the parallel.  This man is just trying to make his path, his road down life and yet everyone is looking to him as an inspiration.  It isn’t just the 155 lives he saved that day, but all the people who were inspired by him and all the lives he affected through the relatives of those 155 people who are still alive today.

For me this week the road will continue and I will look forward to hearing and observing new stories that help me navigate this world and help me educate my children as to the importance of living life to the fullest.

 

Beauty at a Dark Time

You make me want to lose myself in the mysterious distance between a man and a woman – U2 (A Man and a Woman)

Blossoms at Yerba Buena Gardens
Blossoms at Yerba Buena Gardens

The skies were dark and ominous this morning as I drove to work.  As it started to sprinkle I noticed the trees along the sidewalks had started to bloom.  The cherry blossoms along Japantown looked gorgeous and popped against the gray skies.  They had a strong glow about them.  Maybe they had been glowing for a couple weeks and I hadn’t noticed them until we got our first storm clouds of the year.  It is amazing how such beauty shines through even more at the darkest of times. 

These are curious times in the economy and everyone seems to be more on edge than normal.  You might say there are dark clouds everywhere, and not just in the sky.  I even overheard a homeless man here in San Francisco today tell a lady that he was better off than her because he didn’t have a mortgage or rent to pay.  So true that we should get heckled by homeless people now.  My own company has had layoffs and no matter who you are these days, people are worried abour their jobs.  I hear it, see it and feel it.  Even though I had an outstanding year there was still a nervousness going over my weekly call.  In reality, I had nothing to worry about, but in these times you never know (and one of my colleagues was actually let go today).

Despite all of this I still manage to slow down and smell the roses.  Or in this case I was looking for the analogy to my drive to work.  Was I capable of finding the cherry blossoms in my life against the dark sky?  It made me think about some of the stories I’ve read recently as well as my own.  The story of Chad Moutray and his daughter who now must move on with each other and their memories of their wife and mother.  They are each other’s cherry blossoms.  Last year despite all of the surgeries and doctor’s appointments, my wife’s beauty just showed brighter than ever to me.  I don’t think it has shone brighter and it has been there all the time.  We’ve known each otherfor over half our lives, but sometimes the dust gathers like it does on a lightbulb and you need to wipe it off and you suddenly realize that 60-watt light bulb is really 100 watts. I think in hard times like this the dust comes flying off and that dark room is radiated by the beauty that exists.

My wife had her oncology appointment and monthly shot today.  It was a little painful this time she relayed to me.  The O/S pellet they shoot in to here is something she’ll have to get used to and hopefully the side effects will lessen.  The wait is still what kills her as they were running 2 hours late.  Good thing I gave her a bunch of magazines for the waiting room.  There were no reports on her ability to metabolize Tamoxifen yet, but the side effects seem to indicate that she is okay with Tamoixfen and her cholesterol seems to be declining.  My wife loves to go into details running through her lab reports and every last minute of conversation she had with her nurses.  I laugh at her that it is more painful to me to hear her detailed reenactments of the day than to get a needle poked into me.  Listening to her get a shot is almost as bad for a guy like me who is squeamish about needles.

The day before, she had her meeting with her plastic surgeon to go over any adjustments she is going to need in March.  It was one of the appointments I missed because I was traveling.  Of course she forgot to mention the ONE thing I wanted her to speak about and we laughed.  Same old wife…she doesn’t listen to her husband.  Maybe that is what keeps her young!

In the end, the day came out beautiful.  I was able to get home and see my kids for the first time in a few days.  Additionally despite the very mundane conversation I had a chance to spend some time with my cherry blossom in my life.

Affiliate Summit – An Industry that Cares

My father used to say, “You can spend a lot of time making money. The tough time comes when you have to give it away properly. How to give something back, that’s the tough part in life.” – Lee Iacocca
With Missy Ward, Co-founder of Affiliate Summit
With Missy Ward, Co-founder of Affiliate Summit

I recently had a chance to attend our industry’s annual meeting in Las Vegas.  There is a summer event as well on the East Coast but I think after the holidays, everyone is ready to talk about what they have experienced in the past year to share their successes and learnings.  I’ve been part of this community of online marketers off and on for the past 10 years and have seen many of its changes.

As the Web changes we are continually reminded of what it takes to succeed and that is why although Affiliate marketing is not the most high profile parts of the industry, it is the part I enjoy most.  Affiliate marketing is no different than the traditional Avon salespeople who used to go door-to door selling beauty products.  It was community marketing at its finest.  Now with the internet, you have the ability to reach more people.  if you can convince others on the Web to consume products based upon your recommendations or input, you could earn money.

On the Web, these affiliates are your salespeople. Who are affiliates? Our Keynote was delivered by Gary Vaynerchuk, host of Wine Library TV and he gave the best definition of affiliates.  He said, “For the most part, affiliates are lazy but the best affiliates are like Rocky, they wake up in the morning eat raw eggs and do push ups on rocks.”  That is what I love about this industry, these are hard working earnest people who are looking for a new way to skin a cat.  In every company I’ve been in, I always get the questions, “What the heck are your affiliates doing? How can they do that?  They can’t do that, can they?” Now with the fragmented Web and people spending more time surfing the Web (accordingly visiting 75% more sites than they did last year).  Truly amazing.

Well despite the quiet wealth accumulated by those in the industry, the industry as a whole is caring and I am proud to be part of this business.  One of the founders of the Affiliate Summit is Missy Ward.  She and her business partner, Shawn Collins, are industry veterans.  They have both been touched by breast cancer and make a concerted to intertwine their conferences with fundraising.  Missy participates in breast cancer walks and at their conferences they have incorporated some fun and games to raise money in the fight against breast cancer.  Check out AMGB.wordpress.com

Thanks to Missy and her partner for not only helping our industry to thrive, but also for making sure all of our hearts are in the right place.

Simple Pleasures of San Francisco

“You are fortunate to live here. If I were your President, I would levy a tax on you for living in San Francisco!” – Mikhail Gorbachev

Thank heavens the Russians never took over our City!

After a long week of travel and looking at another week of travel to colder parts of the country I am so glad to live in the city Herb Caen affectionately called “Baghdad by the Bay”.  Living in San Francisco you don’t even need to go hog wild to enjoy its simple pleasures.  I was already exhausted but wanted to enjoy the decent January weather and spend some time with my two children and wife.  If you didn’t know I am a proud San Franciscan.  I’ve had a chance to live in other great American cities such as New York and Chicago but San Francisco has all that I need.  It’s small, diverse, community oriented,and yet very sophisticated and progressive.  As a father, all you could ever want is to give your kids the best that you know how and sometimes when I  need help, this city offers up a beautiful weekend.

With moderate temperatures and ample parking it is easy to get around.  I just wanted to recharge my batteries on Saturday watching my kid’s basketball games (and teaching my kids a few moves on the courts), hitting a few golf balls at the Presidio Golf Course (the oldest course west of the Mississippi). I also got to go to my favorite hideaway in San Francisco, Liguria Bakery.  Open since 1910, it is a family run business that makes the best focaccia around.  It is all they make and all the major restaurants buy their focaccia from them.  It is a San Francisco secret.  Why?  Well they start baking at about 5am every morning and open their doors around 7am and close when they’ve sold out.  That could be 10am or 3pm.  Oh, and they go back to Italy every year for the summer for about 6 weeks.   If you’re coming here, just ask a local.  there is a small sign in the window, but nobody will give away the secret.

Inside, things look much like they always have except for the few autographed photos from some recent baseball players on the Giants. A rather sparse counter with a roll of paper for wrapping and and a sign that lists the focaccia for sale is all you will find.  I remember when the standard for the cocaccia was $1.50

 
Prices have gone up in recent years but I once lived on a diet of their focaccia when I was on a budget back in college.  Get the plain pizza focaccia with tomato and green onion.  It’ll serve two adults easily. BEWARE CASH ONLY, but it won’t suck your wallet dry

Afterwards we took the kids to the Haight Ashbury and got our kids some Ben & Jerry’s at our store located conveniently on the famous corner where hippies changed our culture back in the ’60s.  From there we walked over to Golden Gate Park, past the Arboretum and back to our home.  Our kids thought all the “new Hippies”  (homeless) were interesting but as parents we try to teach our children empathy and not to stare.  Most of all we are happy that they are not scared and are exposed to many of our society’s many issues and are not sheltered.  Living in a great city, they can appreciate what they do have.

Sunday was more of a family day as well as the Super Bowl.  Chinese tradition is to have a big one year old party banquet (200 people).  My sister and her husband go all out with the traditional dragon dancing and the banging of loud drums.  Growing up in San Francisco I used to go to these events all the time and got tired of them.  I look at these events now as a great opportunity to casually expose my children to a part of their heritage so that they appreciate where they are from.  They got a real kick out of it and also enjoyed visiting with all of my cousin’s kids.  San Francisco really is a small city and since both my my mom had 6 siblings and my father had 7, we have many relatives for our children to play with.  There are many advantages and disadvantages of a large family, but today we took advantage of the good parts and the good weather to spend time with family and friends.

While we didn’t get out and do everything this weekend, we did enough and have our eyes on other activities we are looking forward to in the coming weeks.  As usual, we did our normal, “how was your weekend” questioning of our children.  They both looked at each other and yelled, “Great” and told us their favorite parts.  Maybe it is the weather, but I think it is part of the magic of living in San Francisco which gives us energy, strength and resolve to have hope in our lives.

When i look back on this post in a decadeI do need to remind myself that this is a deep recession we are in and many people are losing jobs, worrying about how to pay their bills and simply wondering how to make ends meet.  I don’t think I’m any different.  Like everyone I wonder what might be around the corner and hope to just maintain the status quo, yet to hear my kids say they had a great weekend is just enough to make you feel like you are doing something right.

I have another long week of travel ahead of me, but I look forward to returning back to my city by the bay and recharging my batteries once again.

My Wife and Her Breast Cancer Equal My Inspiration

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening

I have always sought inspiration through true life stories.  I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.

Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college.  That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily,  but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself.  Why now?  How do you find that kind of drive?

Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running.  The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him,  “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave.  Just run.”  There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running.  I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose.  My wife is my inspiration.

We all get inspired by bigger than life stories.  The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc.  Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time. 

 But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her.  Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work.  All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask.  I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while.  She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor.  She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped.  How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face.  She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on.  She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.

The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed.  I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children.  She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them.  It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.

Today I am off away on business again.  Away from my family.  It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way.  Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo).  I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead.  She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.

Friendship is the Basis for Great Love

There is a true and sincere friendship between you both – Fortune Cookie

The title of this post is one of those “No Duh” titles, but it is so true. When I got the fortune quote above in my fortune cookie, my two children giggled and my daughter said, “You love mommy, she isn’t your friend”. My wife and I smiled and reminded her that we are friends first and partners second. We all say that, but it is true.

People always ask how we met. I was at our son’s basketball game this weekend when I ran into the husband of one of the other wive’s in our class who is suffering from breast cancer. They are more private about their cancer and while he is a physician and more pragmatic about their situation, I could tell he was suffering a bit. He told me that we looked happy and that we seemed to have gotten through everything okay. I told him we were doing better. It hadn’t been easy and we’re still prepared for any setbacks, but we are in this for the long haul. He shook his head and asked how we met.

It is simple to say we met in college, but one for the drama and long stories, I always tell them about how I met her at the old Pittsburgh airport while saying goodbye to a girlfriend with whom I had recently broken ties. My ex was traveling home for the Thanksgiving holiday along with one of my best friends, Joanne, and this cute little brunette with an infectious giggle. I myself was on my way to Cornell to visit my cousin for a monstrous feast as he and his friends in the Hotel Restaurant school at Cornell were cooking.

My ex and I had broken up not because we weren’t right for each other, but more because her parents wanted a nice East Coast boy for her, and not some Asian kid from California. It was my first real taste of racism and I think it hurt my ex to hear her parent’s feelings about this subject more than it reminded me of the reality of our country at the time. It had been two weeks since we decided to call it off and I wanted to make sure she was okay since it would be the first time she’d seen her parents face to face since they gave her the ultimatum. I had tried to make the situation light but she was sick. I don’t remember what I said, but this little brunette teenager laughed at my joke and we smiled and introduced ourselves. Every day I hear my wife’s giggle it reminds me of that Thanksgiving eve.

Ironically my friend Joanne had been debating back in August about whether to introduce me to my future wife or her good friend from high school for a beginning of the year formal. She chose the latter thinking that she’d be better for me. She might have been right at the time and we still do exchange a friendly email from time to time to update each other on our lives. My future wife would hear stories about me from the other two girls and roll her eyes. She did say she was intrigued to be privy to how I treated a girlfriend and was curious to say the least.

That Christamas I got a card from her and when we returned from the holiday break we started studying together and having an occasional meal in the cafeteria. She was pretty studious and (so she said) was not interested in dating. At least she wasn’t interested in dating me. That said, she dated a few guys and I dated a few girls and she’d critique my girlfriends and I’d critique her boyfriends. I remember when I was dating the 6’2″ star of the women’s volleyball team (I am 5’9″) she would tell me how silly we looked and I loked her straight in the eye and told her maybe I should date a short brunette a foot shorter? She smiled and looked away.

We became good friends, best friends. I really had wanted to date her but I had pretty much decided to focus on school as we got closer to graduation and full time recruiting for jobs. I even took some time out from school to work for a law firm just to make sure that Wall St. was more for me than the Court Room. They say absence makes a heart grow fonder and I think that time away made her realize (it took 2 years) that maybe we could be more than just friends and shared that first kiss and first date.

Focused on our careers it still wasn’t until 9 years after that fateful night at the old Pittsburgh airport that we got married. Our friendship enforced by memories, hardship, and our own group of friends and family made our marriage a “no-brainer”. Those nine years of waiting were the foundation for a great friendship. We realized how much we shared in common and how any differences enlightened ourselves to a world we did not know but were willing to learn about. By the time we got married we had already been making decisions that assumed we would be together. It was only natural.

It was love at first sight, but it was a friendship that formed first. People say we are an old married couple as we often finish each other’s sentences, but what makes it work is that we often surprise ourselves and each other when we don’t really know the answer. We are testing our love, not our friendship. I know chances are that someday my wife will have to help me the same way I had to help her with her battle. fate bought us together for a reason.