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Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Two weeks post-surgery and it’s all about pain management

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“Peace begins with you”

Stats: Drain emission: 20ccs on the left 15ccs on the right

Well today is about tomorrow.  The drains get taken out and there will be a great liberating experience for her.  Right now I don’t think I want to be in there when it happens.  It might send shivers up my spine. Maybe I’ll just put a magazine up to my face.   I know though that she will take half a Vicodin and hopefully not be in too much pain.  If that goes well, she should be able to operate “heavy machinery” by Thursday.

For me it will help me in body, mind and soul.  I’ve lost 10 pounds from this ordeal and I’ve cut my exercising way down.  The nervous energy and lack of sleep has been taking its toll on me.  I really hit back into the work groove next week with travel and a speaking engagement at a conference (oh yeah, I need to write that speech).

Tonight was back to school night for our daughter.  The teachers are very aware of breast cancer and proudly displayed their “Susan G. Komen” Race for the Cure shirts from this past weekend.  My wife is the class mom this year but couldn’t attend.  The moms aware of my wife’s situation understood but interestingly enough nobody else asked where she was.  Each girl leaves a message on the desk for their parents.  This year’s theme, “Peace begins with you”.  Our daughter wrote, “Peace begins with mom.”

These days it sure does.  And tomorrow mom will sure have some peace when those drains are removed.

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Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

2nd weekend after Breast cancer surgery – A Linear Life

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“My life seems so simple yet so complex”

Going into the weekend, life seemed normal post-surgery.  We had just had a meeting with the plastic surgeon, we were ahead of sechedul and there seemed to be no complications.  Saturday morning we awoke to a “bloody mess”.    Blood in the sheets and her drains seemed to be emitting so much more fluid.  “Perhaps we knicked a blood vessel yesterday!”, no big deal was what we were told.  Bandages had to be replaced by me and it was still leaking so we went in to the hospital get this fixed.  All this on kid’s soccer morning!  Stress 101!

Well the doctor was on call and she patched us up.  A small hematoma had been looking for a place to drain and found it’s spot.  Yechhhh!  Well I guess things could have been worse, but at least we were now patched up and could live our SIMPLE but cancer-affected life the rest of the weekend.  Our kids?  They just thought it was one of the many follow-up appointments and it seemed to roll right off their backs.  Soccer Saturday stress was averted.

THE DRAINS!  They seemed to be our focus right now.  Cancer has a way of doing that to you.  At first it’s dealing with the diagnosis, then it is the waiting, then it is the surgery, now its the discomfort of the drains.  There are tons of other things going on in her life and you have to find ways to take her attention off those uncomfortable subject matters.  For me this has been the most difficult one.  It is just difficult visually to look at.  “My life seems so simple, yet so complex.  I take pills, I empty these lousy drains and I rest.  The rest of it just revolves around me.  Chemotherapy is sounding like a nice change of pace.”  Comments like that from her help me understand what she is going through.  She’s in pain.  she’s hurting, and she’s bored.  I really understand what she feels and it’s killing me to see her go through this.  Yes, this linear life has changed her.  It’s focused her.  It’s focused us. 

The new goal for now: Get these darned drains taken out!  Did we say goals?  We need to go back to the old posting about our goals and change them here.  We just never envisioned these drains being so painful.  Still emitting around 35ccs per side, so we are almost down to the magical 30ccs.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Another Good Day – Our First Look after Breast Cancer

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“Walk, don’t run. Listen, don’t talk”

Day 9 after the surgery and we had our first visit with the breast surgeon and the head nurse.  Since it was only my wife who had received the pathology news over the phone, it was good for me to hear her voice and discussthe outcome.  She was very upbeat and happy to report that she believes they caught it early although she will want to go in again and remove more tissue as she believes that the tumor was a little too close to the skin for her comfort.

Although she said she’d leave it up to the oncologist, she says that there is a possibility that they might recommend some chemotherapy treatment.  That would start early October but we’d need to get a genetic test back first as well as have an initial meeting with the oncologist.  We set the appointment today for 3 weeks from now.  I took very diligent notes as we listened.

While we waited in the room for the surgeon to come in, my wife made a comment to me about her surgery that shocked me.  My wife mentioned a slight procedure that she thought was made that I had no idea about. I told her that I never was told what she thought happened was going to happen.  This was a major deal.  Well I was right, it did not happen.  My normally solid wife was totally wrong, but what scared me most was that she had been assuming something else was going to happen in surgery that didn’t happen.  I can’t go into detail, but it was like being told that you were going to have a simple bypass surgery but actually got a quadruple bypass surgery.  She was quite relieved to be wrong, but I was definitely seeing how her mind was not there.  One more reason why every cancer pateint should have someone go to appointments with them to take notes.  I reminded her that she needed to listen better and always ask for clarification when unsure.  We both have a lot on our minds these days and while small details might be forgotten, it is definitely not good to go into a surgery thinking the docotr is going to do one thing and find out that they did another.  Even the doctor looked a little puzzled when my wife asked about that part. 

Well the big relief was actually seeing the dressings taken off and replaced with clean ones.  We were both worried about being overwhelmed by a sight that we couldn’t handle and asked around if people thought we should look.  I didn’t want my wife to look by herself and get depressed.  I wanted to be there.  Well as we both covered our eyes as they changed the dressings, I was asking the doctor some questions.  When she moved, I caught a glimpse.  My wife saw me stop talking and noticed I was staring.

It wasn’t anywhere near what we thought it would be or look like. Again we were quite relieved and everyone had a good laugh.  Although there was some black and blue bruising, you can tell that a nice job was done.  My wife later said it was nice to see her”girls” were still there.  I guess the analog I had been giving my son of a flat tire was pretty accurate, but that the tire was completely deflated.  On the way home we had a good little tearful hug and I got a big thank you for being there.  It was a tough appointment made very easy.

The drains and her chest pain is starting to become bothersome.  I reminded her that she needed to rest.  Walk, don’t run.  The more rest she gets, the less fluid drains and the faster she will get those drains out.  They didn’t take the drains out today but they might take them out tomorrow.  That would be very nice but it is still a little hard to tell.  The appointment is first thing in the morning, but I’m guessing we’ll need to come back next week to have them removed.

Tomorrow – seeing the plastic surgeon again.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Courage and Connectedness – One week after the mastectomy

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“It’s all about Courage and Connectedness”

One week after the surgery and we are slowly getting back to a semi-routine.  I am taking the kids to school and either I or someone else picks up the kids.  Someone drops in during the mid-day to check on her and in the evening to make sure she is okay at dinner.

Well we got the call today.  I’m not sure if we got the call we were expecting.  I guess things are never just black or white.  The news we wanted to hear is that her nodes both came back negative.  The joy in my wife’s voice was great to hear.  The doctor did say the margins were close and that perhaps we might want to do some follow-up after speaking with the oncologist.  My wife was still upbeat, but I felt like that still was not the perfect news in my eyes.  It was the first time my heart sunk.  Is she still going to need chemo?  Maybe.  Maybe just a light dosage.  I’m disappointed in myself for not being as upbeat as her.  I guess after all these months of trying to be positive, I let my guard down.

All in all though, we are still on schedule and we are thankful.  We still have the strength to carry on.

Tonight was our son’s Back to School Night in which they told us this year’s theme was about Courage and Connectedness.  The courage to try new things and face new challenges.  The ability to connect with others and stay together through tough times.  The words of the Principal almost choked me up as I sat there without my wife.  I felt like he knew that I was thinking those exact things.  We are having to have the courage to face each day anew and to face each challenge with the courage to carry on for our children.  The connectedness with our community has been so wonderful from the encouraging words to the pre-prepared meals.  We wonder what we did to deserve such kindness and help.  We really do feel so lucky compared to those who need more and don’t have such a great support network.

I even have to thank all the wonderful women and their spouses on breastcancer.org.  They’ve been so supportive and helpful and I’ve learned so much from them.  They’ve provided us with so much more information that we’d never have known to ask for.

Well, that’s it.  One week later.  Still holding at about 35ccs per drain and hoping that these drains will come out at the end of the week.  Oh that would be a nice treat.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Hitting the Wall – First Weekend of Caregiving

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“What’s a woman got to do to get a good pedicure?”

As part of the sandwich generation that has to take care of not only our spouses, but our children as well as our own parents, we are often being stretched beyond our limits.  Having a father who suffered a stroke and for the greater part of ten years survived with a severe case of memory loss and limited mobility as well as mother who had breast cancer, you’d think that this would be a task that I could be up to.

Well it finally caught up with me.  After taking my son to his soccer game on Saturday morning, I hit the wall with the sniffles, sore throat, cough and all over body aches.  My head was in a fog.  I had overdone it.  I needed rest or I wasn’t going to do anyone any good.  5 days of caring for a family of four both emotionally and physically was more than a drain.  I felt even a alight pang in my chest.  no time to have a heart attack!  Even with all the help with friends and family there is only so much you can do.

Make the lunches, pick up and drop off the kids from school, pour liquids for your spouse, wash her hair (if you really love her you’ll give her a pedicure), empty her drains, warm up pre-made dinners, do your own regular business work, do the laundry, do the dishes, go to school meetings, take the kids to gymnastics and soccer practices,…it is all too much to remember and then take care of yourself.

Is it worth it?  Getting sick? No.  Making sure your family feels normal and secure?  Yes.  I’d do it all over again if I had to, but wouldn’t wish this past week on anyone.  And I don’t even pretend to think I have it as bad as others. I am inspired and honor all those caregivers out there.   But this is a reminder for all those out there to take care of yourself as well and get lots of rest.

I slept in today (in another bed from my wife so as she wouldn’t get sick too) and it did me good.  I felt a 100% better although have a slight cough and scratchy throat (good enough to cheer our 49ers on to victory).

The good news is that the drains are emitting less fluids.  The first day we were at 70ccs and we are now down to around 45 ccs per day.  We’d like to get to 30 ccs. 5ccs is equal to about 1 teaspoon.  I gave her a second bath (kept the bandages/dressings dry though as we were told to keep them from getting too wet.  We also went for a walk around the block.  She said she felt okay except only for some tightness in the middle of her chest.  She is mostly down to taking Atavin and Keflix for now.  She has halved her dosage of Ibuprophen and is totally off of the Vicodin.

We had our family meeting tonight to confirm our arrangements for the week to make sure we are getting to and from school okay for the week and making sure the kids are mentally okay.  I’m going to need to check myself tomorrow.  Leaving her to herself worries me although I think she’ll be fine.  My mother will check with her during the day to make sure she is okay and a family friend ( who sometimes babysits) will be over to have dinner with us.

This week we have our first post-surgery appointments with the physicians to make sure all the healing is going well and maybe get our pathology report.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed it all comes back clear.

 If you want reading, check out an insert from today’s Parade Magazine Insert ( a bit of an advertisement, but relevant)