Tag Archives: running

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Finding Daily Inspiration: 6 Months Post-Surgery

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“If the sun is not shining on you, may it be shining in you.” – Dean Karnazes, Ultra-Marathoner

I’ve been asked by many how my wife is doing physically after her latest procedure and why I don’t discuss it more here.  Well fortunately my wife is doing well such that we don’t have to discuss her battle every day. While someone suggested I actually keep a cancer blog and a non-cancer blog, I just don’t have the time.  This blog is about my life.  Its work. Its family. Its my thoughts all in one place.  For anyone who reads this and puts their foot in my shoes, they’ll likely be touched by the same family, work and health issues at some point in their lives.  For me it is about finding others like me.  Some might be in exactly in the place I am or might have been where I am in the past and help me get through some of life’s issues.

So the answer is: My wife is fine and back at almost normal activity levels although she can’t exercise full on for a few more weeks.  She still has some sutures that we don’t want to pop out like they did last time.  It is important that the sutures are allowed to heal naturally so that the scars will heal properly.

It has been a little over 6 months since her cancer surgery and it feels like so long ago. It has also been 3 months from the follow up procedure to complete her recovery and those physical scars while fading and healing well do not compare to the mental healing she has done.  I have primarily focused on my wife’s mental well-being because I think it is just as important as her physical healing and in many ways I think helps a person to recover.

In fact, her mother always used to say that she knew my wife was feeling better when she started yapping away.  Tonight my wife was yapping away about all the plans she had for the next couple of weeks.  Of course my telling her to slow down only turned into a mini-discussion in which I told my wife I was so proud of her comeback and the fact that she wanted to relieve me of my worries about her as well as her wanting to show me how she has learned to embrace life more than ever.  Holding back a couple weeks should not preclude her from anything that life has left in store for her.  It’s like keeping a stallion in the starting gates before a big race!

As I’ve said in the past, my wife is my current inspiration and like everyone I look for different kinds of inspiration physically and mentally all the time. Why is that?  I just think that some points of inspiration lose their effectiveness after repetitive use.  Sometimes its a song, its a person, its a story, but for me I am constantly in search of a new idea or passion to get me through that next high in life.  My wife is learning the same.

She is now in her fourth month of her 36 month trial of monthly shots.  I laughed and told her it is like making 36 monthly payments on a car.  She gave me a wry smile.  Sometimes my analogies make her just cringe.  The good news this week is that she got the reports back that she is metabolizing the Tamoxifin very well which means that the drug is taking effect and hopefully the results will be good.  The shots are actually for 3 years with the daily drugs taken for 5 years.  Her oncologist says her results look good and that she feel comfortable in resuming many of her regular habits and live life.  of course my wife’s first question….”Can I have wine?”  I laughed, and the doctor, recognizing the humor said, “Moderation is good.  Just make sure you make it worth your while.”  In other words, don’t waste it on Two Buck Chuck (Charles Shaw, a $2 wine sold at Trader Joes).

Yes my wife is inspired by life in general at the moment and there is nothing more inspiring than to be around someone who really knows how to enjoy life.  They shine, they don’t sweat the little things, they somehow don’t get distracted by the bad things, and they are always looking out for others who seem to be stuck.  When you surround yourself with people who are living in the moment it can be magical.  For the past few weeks I feel as though I’ve been walking around constantly with a light bulb over my head.  My own energy is high and my pain is low.  My exercise regimen that started just before her diagnosis is now at an all time high and each night my wife inspires me to keep running.  The sun is definitely shining on her and within her.  I’ll just soak in her rays and feel her warmth.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

My Wife and Her Breast Cancer Equal My Inspiration

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My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening

I have always sought inspiration through true life stories.  I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.

Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college.  That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily,  but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself.  Why now?  How do you find that kind of drive?

Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running.  The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him,  “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave.  Just run.”  There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running.  I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose.  My wife is my inspiration.

We all get inspired by bigger than life stories.  The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc.  Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time. 

 But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her.  Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work.  All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask.  I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while.  She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor.  She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped.  How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face.  She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on.  She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.

The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed.  I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children.  She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them.  It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.

Today I am off away on business again.  Away from my family.  It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way.  Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo).  I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead.  She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.

Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Finishing Strong in 2008 – Life is a Highway

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Anything is possible, but you have to believe and you have to fight.
 – Lance Armstrong

 

Before I make today’s entry I have to add one more thought about yesterday’s entry on listening and that is to remember to listen to yourself.  Listen to your body and more importantly listen to your soul.  More often than not, listening to those two will keep you out of trouble and more importantly keep you happy.

As I go out to run tonight and for my last runs of the year, I feel my internal fortitude and my stamina growing with each run.  Someone once said that running really begins when you forget that you are running.  Each night I seem to just get lost in my thoughts and run to forget the day and remember what I want to do.  Last night I checked out my brand new Nike Plus Sport pack and I felt like I ran like the wind.  Before I knew it I had run over 5 miles and I hadn’t even really started pushing myself.  It felt so good and I felt energized.  The Nike Plus Sports kits really help making those long runs seem short. 

Why am I talking about running?  I guess I just feel like finishing this year on a high note and running seems to be one of those things that has kept me going this year.  It has always been there as a sport my whole life, but now it is there once again as a resource, an outlet, for letting me get in touch with myself and to help me listen -help me listen to myself and others.  It takes me away to another world away from my troubles.  They talk about runner’s high and that is what I get.  What do I listen to?  Here is a link to the kind of music I listen to.  Imagine me running the quiet shopping neighborhoods and streets of San Francisco as I run.  Let me take you with me:

The words and the rhythm inspire me: …You’re close enough to see that.. you’re the other side of the world to me…”

Yep, running makes me feel stronger.  Feel stronger in my love for my wife, my love, my family and my conviction to move mountains to get through the trouble that we encounter.  2008 has been a tough year for us.  Maybe it was not as tough as for other people in this world, but it was tough enough and the only way I know how to get through it is to get tougher, get stronger and find the inner strength to move on.  Maybe this is my New Year’s resolution.  But I don’t need any.  I just want to move on to 2009.