Tag Archives: lumpectomy

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Alright a Deep Breath and onto the Next Hurdle – A Loving Fight

3 Comments

“We’re in a good place but let’s keep on our toes”

And off she goes….I think my wife really is a new woman.  Although she has pain and deep discomfort from her expanders, her first full day without drains seemed to go without a hitch.  Although I still made breakfast and drove the kids to school, she had energy to go for a walk with our Principal’s wife, entertain my mother and sister who came by to check on her at lunch, and drive the mile to our kid’s school, read to our son’s 3rd grade class, and then make it home.  While still in discomfort, she said her energy level was more than back and all the exercise she had done to get in shape before surgery was a big help.

I sat at work worried and checking in on her.  I thought it was too much and stood at the ready in case she needed me.  I married a stubborn fighter.  She’s still soft inside, but she’ll fight when she needs to.  I reminded her that although she is feeling good today, the road is still long and we have some uphill painful battles yet to climb and we needed to keep on her toes.  That did it, I stepped over the line.  I needed to let her enjoy the moment.  Don’t rain on her parade, you fool!

The expanders though are our next hurdle and from what i’ve read the more they get filled the worse the pain  will get.  So although she says she doesn’t need me to take her there, I think I will just be there anyway to take her home just in case.  Funny we were so focused on the drains and then now our attention is on the expanders, the schedule for exchange and lastly the looming possibility of chemo.  It really is one step at a time.  While we are aware of each potential situation my word of advice is to cross the bridge when we get to it.  I think our physicians are amused by my wife’s lists.  My wife’s lists are famous in our house.  I don’t think there is a thing my wife won’t list.  I think our list of questions though will change from previous visits now that the drains are behind us.

Today she took her first shower and re-bandaged herself  Like many said it would, it felt good just tor un water all over her.  I think we’re going to have a water shortage here in California after that marathon shower.

One other note.  Sadly, someone out there on a message board thought it was “weird” that as a husband I was being an active information gatherer and was bothered by my being an active participant in my wife’s fight against cancer.  It really angered me and when I mentioned it to my wife, she gave me this big hug and assured me that many people don’t know what it means to have great support.  She’s right but I also think it is a sad state that someone would feel that there is some kind of perverted research that I am doing.  We’re talking about someone I love deeply and there is no end to what I would do to find out what I could do to help her.  I also feel saddened but understand that there are many out there who can’t feel open about what they share.

I also think she thinks it is weird mostly because I am a guy asking the questions as opposed to another woman . Many women ask questions but when a guy asks the questions she got scared.  This is sad because I think husbands need to be more active and help their wives through this.  The day will come when I will be in the hospital and I will need all of my wife’s support and I sure hope she can do for me what I did have been able to do for her.  People!  Cancer does not discriminate! Black, white, young, old, men, women, children….we need to fight the cancer, not the people!

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Celebrate the Drains are Gone – 15 days post-Breast Cancer surgery

2 Comments

“Take Care of Your Body means Have a Nice Day”

And on the 15th day, we all sighed relief.  This morning we went into the hospital and had the drains removed.  They used Hurri-Caine spray to numb the area.  The nurse told my wife to breath deeply and as she breathed out the nurse pulled the drains.  First the right and then the troublesome left.  They were 6 inches in length each inside her and resembled long flat extension cords with little holes that the blood entered.  OIn the left side we saw that they were clogged and thus why we had leakage.

My wife said it truly is a relief.  She already seems like a new woman.  The laughing and giggling have started again.  She is still feeling small soreness and discomfort, but when asked to gauge her pain from a 1-10 (high), she said it was a 1.  This afternoon we took the first big step.  I had her drive to our kid’s school and back to pick up our son. She did it like an old lday with some soreness, but it made me feel good that she was able to accomplish this on her own. 

Ironically we ran into her surgeon at Starbucks on our way to the school.  She was surprised to see us out of context and glad to hear we were driving again.  “Just stay off the highways” she said.  Those in our neighborhood including the Principal’s wife were surprised and happy to see my wife behind the wheel again.  In fact, we are feeling guilty about all the meas we are still getting from our wonderful class parents.  I found that the other family which lost their mother to cancer is also getting meals prepared by the other families in our school.  How wonderfully blessed we are to be in such a wonderful community.

One of the funny things we all do is pick up the quirks of our parents and pass them on.  As my father was a physician and worked for the Department of Public Health in San Francisco during the height of the AIDs epidemic he used to always write notes and messages to us in our lunch boxes, birthday cards, etc.  They never said, “Have a Nice Day” or “We Love you”, or anything like that.  They always said, “Take Care of Your body”.  These notes continued onto college and even when ending a phone call. It was like the show “Hill St. Blues where the captain would say, “Hey…Let’s Be careful Out There”.

Dring my dad’s final months, we lived with him and I’m fortunate my children really got to know their grandfather.  One of the things they picked up was his silly phrase.  In honor of him we continue that phrase every morning.  The other day as I kissed my daughter and she ran off to class, she yelled “Take care of your body Daddy!”  A teacher heard the exchange and laughed.  I could only shrug my shoulders and smile.  The phrase was still embarrassing, yet so very important to our family.

As i mentioned, our life is one long race over hurdles and so linear that we just focus on the next task.  The next task is to deal with the expanders and the discomfort that will come as the expander pushes on the chest muscle over the next 2-3 weeks.

Tomorrow she beigns to spread her wings.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Two weeks post-surgery and it’s all about pain management

Leave a comment

“Peace begins with you”

Stats: Drain emission: 20ccs on the left 15ccs on the right

Well today is about tomorrow.  The drains get taken out and there will be a great liberating experience for her.  Right now I don’t think I want to be in there when it happens.  It might send shivers up my spine. Maybe I’ll just put a magazine up to my face.   I know though that she will take half a Vicodin and hopefully not be in too much pain.  If that goes well, she should be able to operate “heavy machinery” by Thursday.

For me it will help me in body, mind and soul.  I’ve lost 10 pounds from this ordeal and I’ve cut my exercising way down.  The nervous energy and lack of sleep has been taking its toll on me.  I really hit back into the work groove next week with travel and a speaking engagement at a conference (oh yeah, I need to write that speech).

Tonight was back to school night for our daughter.  The teachers are very aware of breast cancer and proudly displayed their “Susan G. Komen” Race for the Cure shirts from this past weekend.  My wife is the class mom this year but couldn’t attend.  The moms aware of my wife’s situation understood but interestingly enough nobody else asked where she was.  Each girl leaves a message on the desk for their parents.  This year’s theme, “Peace begins with you”.  Our daughter wrote, “Peace begins with mom.”

These days it sure does.  And tomorrow mom will sure have some peace when those drains are removed.

Route53

http://route53.wordpress.com

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

2nd weekend after Breast cancer surgery – A Linear Life

Leave a comment

“My life seems so simple yet so complex”

Going into the weekend, life seemed normal post-surgery.  We had just had a meeting with the plastic surgeon, we were ahead of sechedul and there seemed to be no complications.  Saturday morning we awoke to a “bloody mess”.    Blood in the sheets and her drains seemed to be emitting so much more fluid.  “Perhaps we knicked a blood vessel yesterday!”, no big deal was what we were told.  Bandages had to be replaced by me and it was still leaking so we went in to the hospital get this fixed.  All this on kid’s soccer morning!  Stress 101!

Well the doctor was on call and she patched us up.  A small hematoma had been looking for a place to drain and found it’s spot.  Yechhhh!  Well I guess things could have been worse, but at least we were now patched up and could live our SIMPLE but cancer-affected life the rest of the weekend.  Our kids?  They just thought it was one of the many follow-up appointments and it seemed to roll right off their backs.  Soccer Saturday stress was averted.

THE DRAINS!  They seemed to be our focus right now.  Cancer has a way of doing that to you.  At first it’s dealing with the diagnosis, then it is the waiting, then it is the surgery, now its the discomfort of the drains.  There are tons of other things going on in her life and you have to find ways to take her attention off those uncomfortable subject matters.  For me this has been the most difficult one.  It is just difficult visually to look at.  “My life seems so simple, yet so complex.  I take pills, I empty these lousy drains and I rest.  The rest of it just revolves around me.  Chemotherapy is sounding like a nice change of pace.”  Comments like that from her help me understand what she is going through.  She’s in pain.  she’s hurting, and she’s bored.  I really understand what she feels and it’s killing me to see her go through this.  Yes, this linear life has changed her.  It’s focused her.  It’s focused us. 

The new goal for now: Get these darned drains taken out!  Did we say goals?  We need to go back to the old posting about our goals and change them here.  We just never envisioned these drains being so painful.  Still emitting around 35ccs per side, so we are almost down to the magical 30ccs.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

5 More Days with Drains – Post Breast Cancer Surgery

Leave a comment

“It ain’t over til it’s over”

Well today was our post -op visit with the plastic surgeon.  We did learn that an initial 150ccs were inserted and he put in another 100 today.  If chemo is needed he will likely be almost done with everything before then. 

It was the first time I’d seen him smile too.  We got to know him a little more as he fixed her dressings again and injected more fluid.  Luckily they gave us more bandages because the nurse did not apply the dressings appropriately and my wife was leaking vascular fluid.  When I got home, my wife asked me to reapply the gauze and bandages.  This was actually the toughest job yet.  We had just hit the weekend and hopefully I did it right or someone would have to take my wife back in this weekend.  It was frankly a little too close  for me.

We still were not ready to remove the drains and they recommended keeping them in another 5 days. Ugggh.  I saw the sadness in her eyes.  I know they are uncomfortable for her and when they tried to push the date to next Friday I knew we had to fight for a Wednesday appointment.  I guess the fighting isn’t done yet.  It ain’t over til its over I told her.  She apologized that I still had to drive her everywhere and I told her no apology was necessary.  How anyone does this alone is just brutal,  She needs to be able to get out and become mobile again and I know she is getting antsy.  The drains are definitely not pleasant to look at for sure and cannot be that comfortable.

We at least have our next three appointments settled for the plastic surgeon, the removal of the drains, and the initial meeting with our oncologist who is supposedly one of the best nationally so we feel very fortunate that she is able to take our case.

Other than the darned trains and discomfort she is feeling okay after today’s procedure.  i guess that is easy for me to say, but I’m sure going to be glad when the coming week is over.  I know she is thinking the same thing.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Courage and Connectedness – One week after the mastectomy

Leave a comment

“It’s all about Courage and Connectedness”

One week after the surgery and we are slowly getting back to a semi-routine.  I am taking the kids to school and either I or someone else picks up the kids.  Someone drops in during the mid-day to check on her and in the evening to make sure she is okay at dinner.

Well we got the call today.  I’m not sure if we got the call we were expecting.  I guess things are never just black or white.  The news we wanted to hear is that her nodes both came back negative.  The joy in my wife’s voice was great to hear.  The doctor did say the margins were close and that perhaps we might want to do some follow-up after speaking with the oncologist.  My wife was still upbeat, but I felt like that still was not the perfect news in my eyes.  It was the first time my heart sunk.  Is she still going to need chemo?  Maybe.  Maybe just a light dosage.  I’m disappointed in myself for not being as upbeat as her.  I guess after all these months of trying to be positive, I let my guard down.

All in all though, we are still on schedule and we are thankful.  We still have the strength to carry on.

Tonight was our son’s Back to School Night in which they told us this year’s theme was about Courage and Connectedness.  The courage to try new things and face new challenges.  The ability to connect with others and stay together through tough times.  The words of the Principal almost choked me up as I sat there without my wife.  I felt like he knew that I was thinking those exact things.  We are having to have the courage to face each day anew and to face each challenge with the courage to carry on for our children.  The connectedness with our community has been so wonderful from the encouraging words to the pre-prepared meals.  We wonder what we did to deserve such kindness and help.  We really do feel so lucky compared to those who need more and don’t have such a great support network.

I even have to thank all the wonderful women and their spouses on breastcancer.org.  They’ve been so supportive and helpful and I’ve learned so much from them.  They’ve provided us with so much more information that we’d never have known to ask for.

Well, that’s it.  One week later.  Still holding at about 35ccs per drain and hoping that these drains will come out at the end of the week.  Oh that would be a nice treat.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

6 days later – Trying to resume activities (training wheels)

Leave a comment

” I am superwoman” – Alicia Keys

Drain check – 30ccs one side, 40 ccs the other

Today was the first day back to a normal routine or as normal as we can have it.  I went back to work and took the kids to school (normally she does that).  I still got to work early and tried to bury myself back into a routine.  It was hard not to think about my wife alone at home.  I left her with everything she needed at a low level and poured out heavy items into smaller containers.  Shwe was fine and said it felt good to be independent.

My mother stopped by to help her with lunch and the kids were picked up afterschool for playdates.  We had an old family friend come by to help with dinner and getting the kids ready for dinner and get their homework done.  it was an exhausting day for her and she admitted to being lonely and having tears in reading all the well-wishing emails.  Unfortunately I had a late night meeting  but stopped in or called several times to check in with her.  I drove her car to work today and the CD was set to Alicia Keys singing “I am superwoman”.  My wife had been playing that over and over again in the car to psyche herself up prior to surgery.

I am hoping that on Thursday she’ll also be able to get her drains removed.  That will help allow her to drive again.  We’ll probably let her test her mobility on the weekend and see how comfortable she feels.

Today was a bit of a training wheels day for all of us.  Could she handle being alone.  Could I get my mind back on work?  Would the kids be thrown for a loop with a change in the schedule?  I don’t think we passed with flying colors.  We’ve bonded so well as a family over the past several weeks that being apart was hard for us and the kids.

It might be a little too early to try and get back to normal, but we will try.  We aren’t ready to take off the training wheels.  And that’s okay.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Hitting the Wall – First Weekend of Caregiving

Leave a comment

“What’s a woman got to do to get a good pedicure?”

As part of the sandwich generation that has to take care of not only our spouses, but our children as well as our own parents, we are often being stretched beyond our limits.  Having a father who suffered a stroke and for the greater part of ten years survived with a severe case of memory loss and limited mobility as well as mother who had breast cancer, you’d think that this would be a task that I could be up to.

Well it finally caught up with me.  After taking my son to his soccer game on Saturday morning, I hit the wall with the sniffles, sore throat, cough and all over body aches.  My head was in a fog.  I had overdone it.  I needed rest or I wasn’t going to do anyone any good.  5 days of caring for a family of four both emotionally and physically was more than a drain.  I felt even a alight pang in my chest.  no time to have a heart attack!  Even with all the help with friends and family there is only so much you can do.

Make the lunches, pick up and drop off the kids from school, pour liquids for your spouse, wash her hair (if you really love her you’ll give her a pedicure), empty her drains, warm up pre-made dinners, do your own regular business work, do the laundry, do the dishes, go to school meetings, take the kids to gymnastics and soccer practices,…it is all too much to remember and then take care of yourself.

Is it worth it?  Getting sick? No.  Making sure your family feels normal and secure?  Yes.  I’d do it all over again if I had to, but wouldn’t wish this past week on anyone.  And I don’t even pretend to think I have it as bad as others. I am inspired and honor all those caregivers out there.   But this is a reminder for all those out there to take care of yourself as well and get lots of rest.

I slept in today (in another bed from my wife so as she wouldn’t get sick too) and it did me good.  I felt a 100% better although have a slight cough and scratchy throat (good enough to cheer our 49ers on to victory).

The good news is that the drains are emitting less fluids.  The first day we were at 70ccs and we are now down to around 45 ccs per day.  We’d like to get to 30 ccs. 5ccs is equal to about 1 teaspoon.  I gave her a second bath (kept the bandages/dressings dry though as we were told to keep them from getting too wet.  We also went for a walk around the block.  She said she felt okay except only for some tightness in the middle of her chest.  She is mostly down to taking Atavin and Keflix for now.  She has halved her dosage of Ibuprophen and is totally off of the Vicodin.

We had our family meeting tonight to confirm our arrangements for the week to make sure we are getting to and from school okay for the week and making sure the kids are mentally okay.  I’m going to need to check myself tomorrow.  Leaving her to herself worries me although I think she’ll be fine.  My mother will check with her during the day to make sure she is okay and a family friend ( who sometimes babysits) will be over to have dinner with us.

This week we have our first post-surgery appointments with the physicians to make sure all the healing is going well and maybe get our pathology report.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed it all comes back clear.

 If you want reading, check out an insert from today’s Parade Magazine Insert ( a bit of an advertisement, but relevant)

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

3 Days post Breast Cancer Surgery – A Loving Fight

Leave a comment

“Let’s stop, smile and thank everyone”

Day 3 post surgery and we don’t want to count our chickens (well maybe the chickens people have given us and we can’t fit in our fridge), but we just feel fortunate that things have gone well so far.  My wife spent an hour online writing emails today.  It was a lot of effort for her, but she felt happy to just thank everyone even if it was a mass email.

The support and well wishing notes really are a wonderful thing to receive.  We can never say enough how fortunate we are to have family and friends who care.  Tonight at dinner we thanked our now 9 year old son and our 6 year old daughter for being such troopers this past week.  We have said they are our inspiration and a big part of our recovery.  Although they’ve shown great maturity we want them to retain lots of their kid spirit.  Our son did not get to have a huge birthday party like all of his friends, but he said he was just happy to have his mom home safe and sound.  I couldn’t agree more.

The big news today is that she felt good enough to get off the Vicodin which was still giving her headaches and makin her sluggish.  The drains are still emitting 60-65 ccs each per side for the 24 hr. period (down 10ccs from the previous 24 hours.  The nurse said they wil only take them out when they emit less than 30ccs per side for 2 consecutive days.  She does have some itchiness whcih we are told is a good sign of healing.  I asked if she felt different and she said that although she used to have a large chest that she didn’t really feel a change in the weight balance in front of her, but she wasstill feeling a sense of tingliness where they would have been.

This weekend will allow us to go a few steps further in healing our whole family and getting used to our new routine that will start to loosen up over the next few days.  We still have to watch for fevers and any swelling or irritation.  Chemo and/or radiation cannot be ruled out until we see a clean pathology report.

We have a follow up appointment in 5 days with the surgeons and hopefully the drains might get taken out and we might have a pathology repot back. 

Just a short blog note today as I’m now geting under the weather and I don’t want her to get sick now.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

2 days after Breast Cancer surgery – Inspiration and Perspiration

2 Comments

“From Patience comes Power”

We are officially 2 days post surgery and my wife was taken home 25 hours after her surgery was complete.  She was itching to go home to her own bed.  When transporting the patient home, it is always a good idea to bring a pillow to cushion against the seat belt straps.

We were sent home with two vials to measure drains and lots of medication: Vicadin, Ibuprophen, Atavin and Keflix.  They are lots  to take and the Vicodin dosage we already cut in half as it was just too heavy of a drug for her.  We got her home and then brought the kids in one at a time to see their mother.  Our son shed a tear for the first time.  When later asked if he was sad, he just said he was happy.  I think seeing his mother looking normal in bed and seeing that she was okay was a big relief for him.  Our daughter was next and gave her mother a dainty hug.  She was surprised to see her out of bed, but I think that once again it helped relieve the tension and worries that our kids had.

Meals have been great and flowers have been plentiful (almost too plentiful as we have run out of vases).  I do recommend you tell people do not buy flowers and rather send a donation to a cancer cause such as standup2cancer.org or the Susan G. Koman Foundation.  The letters from all the women have been incredibly uplifting for my wife.  Inspiration and Admiration are the words most used and they are appropriate.  I am definitely inspired by any cancer survivor.  Although every case is different, the stories I have heard along the way have touched me and now living with a woman who is surviving makes me so proud.

Keeping my wife down has been the hard part as I remind her that she is the patient while I am home.  Although she is feeling the energy to get around, I want her to conserve it.  Patience is what she needs.  My duties as her personal nurse today included washing her hair, stripping and dumping out her drains, and answering all calls and doorbells.  She is currently draining 70ccs of blood per side and needs to be draining 30ccs or less for her drains to be removed.

Most importantly my wife does not appear to be in much pain although she is suffering from some discomfort.