Tag Archives: cancer

Many Different Stories – One Destiny

“We have so many different stories, and one single destiny”

When I went running tonight (it is usually where I do my thinking) I replayed this historic week and its place in history.  Our first President of ethnicity is one piece.  The way he was able to gain the support of the majority of our country in just 22 months with a grass roots campaign through modern communication techniques was brilliant yet a throwback to traditional ways of fundraising and campaigning. 

Whether you were for or against the President-elect I looked at it as a big time in our society and a great learning one.  I wasn’t alive for JFK or for MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech, I hear the stories of the many people who know where they were when they heard that speech.  I’m not sure, but I’m guessing Barack Obama’s “Yes We Can” speech will be one for the ages.

That is why I had my 9 year old son listen to both John McCain’s concession speech and Barack Obama’s victory speech with me.  My 6 year old daughter is too young.  While I know it might have been boring to an adult’s ear, I’m sure for a young kid that it might not have meant much.  I just wanted my son to remember sitting on the couch with his dad while he listened.  I told him that he didn’t need to remember the speech but to remember and take something from the speech.  When it was over, I asked him what he got out of it.  he mentioned the 100 year old lady who had seen a lot of change.  He then said, “We are country full of people with many stories, yet one destiny”.

I asked if he understood and he told me that like our family, we are four different people with different storied , but we do things together as a family.  Just like a team.  Kids are so great.  Their minds are clear and they help us see things in a different light.  I hadn’t even picked up that line until my son mentioned it.  Over the next several days I applied it on many different levels.  I applied it to Work, Family , and even my classmates that I saw at my 25th high school reunion.  The stories are diverse and should be celebrated.

Most importantly I thought about the many stories of the women such as my wife and mother who have battled or are battling cancer.  Their stories are varied yet all of these women have one destiny and that is to find the cure for and beat cancer.  Their stories have inspired me.  I was talking to my wife who told me that a mom wanted to interview her because she found my wife to be an inspiration.  While my wife does not find herself to be an inspiring figure, she was flattered and it made her feel good. 

I reminded my wife that change begins from within.  We recounted how my mother has changed in her fight over the last 5 years.  I told her that she shouldn’t passively be an inspiration, but to be a little more active in how she affects others.  We agreed that it is a time to say “Yes We Can” and I say that in a non-political way, but at an individual interest level. 

For me, as we approach this holiday season and I look forward to this work week, I will bring my own destiny and inspiration to my actions.

Hopes, Dreams, Fears – Life Is A Highway

“Who’s Coming with Me?” – Jerry Maguire

My late night runs are not just about health and fitness.  Sometimes the runs are just a place for me to contemplate life and where it is taking me.  Usually it is about my dreams, hopes and fears.  My wife usually laughs at me because I come home sweating and also with a list of things that I think we should do or I’d like to do.

Fears – Right now I’m still fearing for my wife’s mortality.  I hope that she can get the next part of her surgery done.  She’s uncomfortable but not complaining.  The problem is we are stuck now as the doctors have her in limbo.  They say that getting time in the OR to complete surgery is going to take time.  We don’t have time as we’ve made lots of plans already  We’re all frustrated.  Tonight, just as I was about to go for a run I felt a twinge in my back.  There is a small lump on my hip (a hip pointer? cancer?)  Ackk, how can I even think of that?  I remember in college when my roommate died of cancer.  Every little bump on my body struck fear in me.  I have to check this out.  I fear leaving my children and wife alone.

Hopes and Dreams?  They all sit with my kids.  This week we elected our first black President.  To me, the President that our country was going to select was going to be a new direction no matter what.  As I went to the airport the day after the election, all I saw were smiling and hopeful faces.  People had hopes.  Very high hopes.  I’m sure those smiles might not have been as wide in some parts of the country, but I’m sure we are waiting for the next 8 weeks to move on and see what will happen.  My children are growing up in a great country and I want to give them every chance to laugh think and cry that I have. 

Again, as I ran tonight I dreamed.  Dreamed of traveling to far away places with my kids, dreamed of giving my daughter’s hand away in marriage, dreamed of attending a great sporting event with my son, and dreamed of seeing my wife happy and healthy.

Tomorrow is my highschool 25 year reunion.  My good friend said, well here we go down the second half of our life.  I told I don’t put my life in two halves.  I’m in my middle third.  The first third is growing, The second third is playing and the last third is reflecting and giving.  He laughed and said I was in denial.  I told him I was just living my life as I saw it.  I’m going to live my life as happily as I can.  Anyone coming with me?

Scarred & Healing – A Loving Fight

Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears – it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more – it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity.
 
Oliver Sacks
Neurologist and author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain

The above quote was on my Starbucks cup of coffee this afternoon.  It seems appropriate given the feeling my wife had after the Madonna concert this past weekend.  The music inspired her to take action. 

She is getting impatient though.  Her exchange surgery has been delayed and she doesn’t seem to be getting a response.    I know she wants to get the expanders removed ASAP.  She has seen that her initial scars from the surgery have already healed. She is already started to lessen her medication and is now ready for the final removal if we can get a date for the final exchange.  Once again the waiting game is affecting us.

Her strength those is inspiring me.  I am so impressed by her ability to move forward.  Her ability to manage the kids, her job, the house, our crazy family schedule and her own illness is something I am unable to feel or understand.  All I can do is give her my undying support and make her feel loved and appreciated.  It is all I’ve got.  I wish I could do more.  Right now though I know she also wants and needs her parents and i need them to understand that they can’t wait for her to ask for them but rather for them to show their unrequested support.  It will only help in her healing process.  The scars are there, but the pain and feeling of hope will make her feel better

Trick or Treat & The Material Girl – Life is a Highway

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die tomorrow” – James Dean

I watched our kids count up thier candy tomorrow and it can only warm a parent’s heart to hear them not fight and to see our oldest combine his candy with the younger child’s smaller batch and agree to share the candy evenly without even asking.  You wonder if society would be better off if we left it up to the kids.

I’m not considered calendar wise to be a “Baby Boomer” but I’m just on the edge.  They say as a whole that this generation will not do as well as their parents.  I agree.  I’m even more worried about my children’s generation.  How will they succeed?  How do we give them a chance?  With the financial markets seeing one of the biggest drops in history, we are learning to guard our pennies yet enjoy life as best we can.

Back on the Adult Front, my wife is feeling better.  We went to see the Material Girl (Madonna).  I was so worried about her getting bumped into or jostled around.  I was surprised to see her able to jump around and dance so freely.  It was a good test event for getting out.  She was still tired, but it felt good to be a couple again and to get out and feel like we haven’t lost a step.  Psychologically, it was also a big move for me too.  While we don’t always agree with her messages, there were some great personal messages.  We didn’t take her messages although very political in that way.  My wife told me afterwards that she saw the the message and took it personally:

  • Get Up
  • Time Is Now
  • If you Wait it will be too late
  • Your Choice
  • Your World
  • Your Life

Here is the link to the backgroung video of her concert.  Please again ignore the political message and think about it as a Take Charge of Your Life message: MADONNA BACKGROUND VIDEO

I have to admit at looking back at it, it sure is inspirational….to all of you out there looking for a reason to get up and take action, I sure hope you all find that motivation.  I am so glad my wife has found one for now.

Remembering to Smell the Roses

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy.  They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom” – Proust

Today’s quote was in a card we got from the family of one our kid’s schoolmates.  This family lost their mother this past summer after a 6 year battle with breast cancer.  She was only 39.  This means she was only 33 when diagnosed and by then it was too late.  They say women she start getting yearly mammograms around ages 35-40.  They should start getting them earlier than that.  And even then mammograms aren’t always helpful.

The card hit me particularly hard.  It was sent from the father and the two sons.  When I think how close I was to that being me I just couldn’t focus all weekend.  I just can’t imagine what it is like to be a young father and having to raise two children on my own.  I remember when I would go the funerals of the fathers of my friends and cousins I would cry for them and for me.  I knew it would hurt the day I lost my own dad.  When it did happen to me I wasn’t able to cry.  it came out slowly over several years.  Now every time I see a parent die prematurely I will cry for those children, but when it happens to me I obviously won’t be able to cry.

This morning I had an early morning meeting with a potential partner.  When the meeting started the San Francisco weather was its usual overacast and fog.  When I came out it was beautifully sunny.  After dropping my colleagues at the airport I was hungry.  Of course in these recession times I figured some dim sum from San Francisco’s Clement St. would make a nice cheap lunch and I’d see if my wife could meet me at home since it was on the way back.  I remember those old movies when the husband would come home for lunch.  I knew she was lonely at home and I just needed to see her.  You don’t get to do this often.  This past weekend we went on our first real night out since her surgery.  Of course all we did on our first night without the kids was talk about the kids and go grocery shopping.

This time although it was just a 25 minute lunch, it seemed more special since it was spontaneous.  We felt like we were stealing time together after all these years.  it does take moments like this that help you to smell the roses.  We didn’t have to say to each other how nice it was to eat a lunch together on a Monday.  It was just understood. 

More moments like this are needed in our daily lives.  Smelling the Roses opens the senses, makes you smile, and reminds you why you give the maximum effort each day.  We should all try to be a chraming gardener to make the souls of others blossom in their moment of need.

Essential Thoughts – Life Is A Highway

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” – The Little Prince

Jury duty was very brief but it gave a great insight into what is going on in life at the micro-community level.  I really enjoyed meeting people from all over San Francisco.  The case itself was a very sad situation and was reflective of the problems in society.  The guilty party was a person down on his luck who got caught.  I felt sympathetic to him but the fact was that he was just simply guilty.  The decision was quick and easy.

Explaining the trial to our children was an experience that all parents relish.  Teaching your children about right vs. wrong and how important it is to do the right thing.  When my daughter asked how we knew the person was wrong, my son reminder of the book, The Little Prince, where he says that your heart is what guides you to do the right thing.  Kids are so much like sponges as they pick up things so easily.

As my wife recovers we have taken this time to teach our children about the important lessons in life.  They are so receptive at this point and it helps that they have matured immensely over the last several months.  In discussing the Little Prince we asked them to name some things that are essential yet invisible in life.  Here is what they mentioned:

  • Love
  • Happiness
  • Trust
  • Faith
  • Hope
  • Friendship
  • Health
  • Honesty

 Yep, these are the essential things in life.  I do have to say though that they aren’t necessarily invisible as those who have all of them do have a certain glow and attractiveness about them.

Getting invigorated – Life is a Highway

“Thanks for doing your civic duty”

Every year we all get that letter.  Jury duty!  Well today I served my first day of the year.  Jury duty in San Francisco like most large cities is a real study on human social anthropology.  You spend half your morning trying to figure out who has a legitimate excuse for not serving and who really does not speak English.  You come back in the afternoon and find that despite being in a City that is 50% Asian that there is only one person of Asian ethnicity possibly on the jury.  As a people watcher, it is better than the DMV though.  There was one guy today who burst out singing Stevie Wonder’s My Cherie Amour.  Believe me, I wouldn’t want that guy on my jury!

The afternoon of jury selection we learn who each other is and both the defense and plaintiff lawyers spend their time trying to figure out if they want to send us home.  I have yet to be asked a single question so I don’t know where I stand.  Tomorrow is the final day of jury selection I suspect.  It is actually very stressful as I look around the room.  The economy is very poor right now and I know many people do not feel comfortable leaving their jobs for several days.  I did have a chance to meet a lady in the Public Health Department who used to work for my dad.   I recognized her from some photos my dad had from work.  She told me that my dad was a wonderful and caring boss and man.  It has been three years, but it still feels good to hear how my dad’s memories still stick with people.

All that sitting around today did invigorate me.  I put lists and lists together as I waited my turn.  Because we were excused early for the day I was able to get home early and re-wire my bedroom and office.  I was also able to finally download some software that I’ve been meaning to do for 3 months,  I also had time to go on a 5 mile run tonight.  Runs for me are best when I have lots on my mind.  I remember where I put things that I lost, I solve problems that have been bugging me, I remember why I love my family and I give thanks to all that has been provided for me. Yes, I am so invigorated and motivated more than ever!  I even voted 2 weeks early for the election.  Secretly i just can’t stand any more people calling me about the elections.

Despite my wife’s recovery from breast cancer still being a “work in progress” we are almost back to normal.  Planning social events (dinners and nights out with friends).  It really is good to see and I am so proud of her.  At first I was just saying that I was proud, but now I really am proud and I think people are impressed to not only see her up and about, but really working so hard.  Right now I know she is feeling bloated from her expanders, but she is not taking any medication (painkillers, etc.).  I did get a chance to look at my wife’s scars today and quite frankly they look really good.  I think she is going to be just fine.

Well that is it for now…more on jury duty tomorrow.

Life is Not Fair – Life is a Highway

“I sure didn’t see it coming, but it was coming”

Today was another one of those days in life that you don’t forget.  I remember being straight out of college the first day I saw people laid off or fired from work.  It was pretty traumatic back then on Black Monday.  Today wasn’t quite Black Monday but 20 years later it still is painful.  Watching two young kids I hired get laid off along with a dad who has two young kids as well as another who has a baby on the way.  It never feels right and I’m sure it won’t be the last time I have to feel the sorrow.  My friend with 2 kids told me he saw it coming but never thought it would be him.

The economy today just makes everything more complex.

Today was the last day of my wife’s fills and now we wait for the date of what will hopefully be her final surgery.  She looks extremely uncomfortable but doesn’t complain.  Our concern now is (or maybe my biggest concern) that she be happy with the results and comfortable in her own skin (yes, because it is)  Now at 625 ccs, that just seems huge, but I’m sure it will all get adjusted in the end.  I just want her to find herself again.  I hope that isn’t too much to ask.  I want her to find herself for her and not for me.  Today she is trying to find herself for me and not for her.

I told her not to rush things.  I love her and know that things will be normal again in time.  I’ll wait.  Good things come to those who wait.  Life is throwing lots of curves at us right now and we will endure.

Playing Hard & Never Giving Up – Life is a Highway

“Don’t Stop Until the Whistle Blows”

This week I finished a fundraising event  for our school that has taken up much of the last 2 and a half months.  In this economy it is tough to fathom how hard it is to ask people to donate their time and money.  You ask once and not two or three times like the old days.  I am so grateful to all the people who were able to attend and enjoy a wonderful day.  It meant so much to hear all the people say how wonderful a time they had know that for a day much of the troubles of the economy were forgotten.

This weekend was a little different than last.  As we waited to go out for our first soccer game of the day, we caught a little of the movie “We are Marshall”, on TV.  There’s a scene when the coach talks to his team before their first game and telling them about how they can’t replace the team before them that died in a crash the year before, but that if they give it their all and don’t stop until the whistle blows that they’ll all be winners no matter what the score.  As I watched the movie I saw my children listening.  They hardly ever listen to dialogue in a movie.  We had to leave before the movie ended but our children asked about what happened as we drove to our daughter’s game.  Both children played with heart today.  It was so fun to see.  What a difference a week makes from last week.  I don’t know if it was the movie, the weather, or just the time of day, but all seemed much better than last week.

It made me think about where we are with our fight against breast cancer.  When will that whistle blow?  Maybe never.  That is why we have to live and play every day with heart and joy for our opportunity that we have.  Don’t sweat the little things and just live life to its fullest.  Tomorrow will be the last fill and then we will wait a few weeks for the final surgery.  Just in time to be thankful at Thanksgiving.

I guess we’re really at the beginning of our journey.  We have many journeys and this one although filled with much heartache and pain to start is just beginning and hopefully will only get smoother.  This past week my wife found out that a friend she told to get examined found that she had breast cancer.  At first we felt so sad that we had encouraged her to do something that brought bad news, but then she was thanked and realized that she is one of the many cancer survivors who will help to spread the word to others.  I saw a T-shirt this weekend from one of the many breast cancer fundraisers and it said it best: “Hope Begins with Us”.  It really does.

As an aside, I do have to say that I saw another T-shirt that my mother, a breast cancer survivor of 4 years, sent me.  Sometimes we are so close to this disease that we forget we have great examples around us all the time.  In the last 10 years my mother has lost her husband of 50 years, both her parents, and had breast cancer yet she is living a full and productive life.  She is currently on her third international trip of the year.  This time she is in Egypt after visiting Morocco and South Africa earlier in the year. 

It made me laugh to know that my mother is on the other side of the world yet thinking of us and sending us crazy stuff on email.  It really hit me on so many levels including the funny bone:

 CLICK HERE TO BUY IT

Remember, Reflect, & Learn – A Loving Fight Against Breast Cancer

“Time Heals all Wounds”

We currently await our final decision on the oncology plan as well as our final fill before the swap out.  This coming week will be the final fill, we’ll schedule a date for surgery, and then begin the recuperation period. Amazingly it is hardly the major topic on our mind these days 

I wish I could tell our children about the emotions of the world today with a global recession, a new political environment, and many other macroevents affecting their family, friends, and community around them.  Someday they will see how difficult it is to raise a family and live a clean life devoid of heartache and stress.  In their smiles and laughter and innocence I see inspiration and drive to keep them away from the pain around them.  Daily I hear about families having to sell their homes or move away and it saddens me to hear that people are having to take such sacrifices to keep afloat.

My dad used to say that Time Heals All Wounds, but actions are important to me as I’d rather not sit still.  It is time I believe to work overtime and put in the extra effort needed to make sure we can maintain the course in these tough times.  Fortunately as a family we have a diverse plan of action that will help us to syndicate our efforts and spread the risk as well as maximize our efforts.  Tough times bring out the best in some and I am hoping that in these tough timeswe can just stay the course.

Today finished a stretch of events which have been distracting our family beyond our fight against cancer.  With 75 days left in the year we will begin a stretch that will challenge our imagination, our creativity, and our inner fortitude despite the many distractions in the coming months.  

But first we need to decide on an adjuvant therapy plan for my wife and a schedule that we can use as a guide to bring back health and normalcy to our family.