Mountains are the means, the man is the end. The goal is not to reach the tops of the mountains, but to improve the man.
– Walter Bonatti, Italian mounaineer
I’m one of those people who is always taken by inspirational movies, especially if they are true. They really help me dream and look for solutions in life. Having been in the online retail business though, I am not tainted by the fact that I know many movies take their liberties with the truth, whether they are “The Blind Side” or “Rudy” or “61”. Like most, I am one of those people who usually tells you to read the book first. The books are always better, right? Movies always leave out the details and don’t capture the true emotion. Not the emotion of the writer, but the emotion you feel from interpreting the words as your eyes meet them.
In this modern day where social media allows us access to more of these stories, I find myself these days inspired by the stories of two fellow alums of Carnegie Mellon. I was lucky enough as an undergraduate to have met Randy Pausch when he was a graduate student at Carnegie Mellon and shared a carpool over Thanksgiving from Pittsburgh to Baltimore. His well documented You Tube video, called the Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams became a hit and inspired many who faced death with a sense of calm, respect and fortitude to keep on teaching and giving back. He also gave inspiration to living life to the fullest. In fact there was no need for a movie as the video captured the leacture and was all that was needed.
More recently, I picked up the book, 127 Hours: Between A Rock and A Hard Place. It is actually a little hard to imagine this scenario if you’ve never been there. I saw the original documentary many years ago on Dateline with Tom Brokaw which I recommend you all watch before seeing the movie or reading the book. It will help you with the perspective. I’ve inserted Part 1 here.
The amazing parts are the actual video re-count that he captures where he makes comments and last testaments in expectation that he will not be able to live to tell us family and friends that he loves them.
I’m about one third of the way through the book and I thought I’d review the Dateline interview again this morning. I’m always looking to inspire my son who at age 11 still is learning to dream and think big. For the first time I saw him riveted and inspired not by the crazy outrageous voyage that led the main character to his predicament, but by his will to succeed, to remain calm and cool under extreme pressure and to show a strong will to find one’s passion.
I’m ready to go out today and succeed. In the book, Aron Ralston talks about his richness in life that he appreciates. I intend to go out there and do that today and look forward to finding tomorrow’s inspiration
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust, sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; because there is not EFFORT without error and shortcomings; but he who does actually strive to accomplish the deed, who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who are the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those timid and uncaring souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt
1 More Degree of Effort Makes the Difference
Looking at the difference between 211 degrees (hot water) and 212 degrees (steam and power and effective energy), it motivates by urging us to keep going even when things are difficult. One of my favorite comedy routines by Jerry Seinfeld is the one where he talks about the difference between a gold and bronze medal in the 100 meter dash or the 50 meter freestyle. It’s that extra little effort. Some of it is training. Some of it is desire. Its just that little extra that pushes you over the top. One of my favorite books growing up was “The Little Engine that Could. You know the one “where he says “I think I can until he says “I Know I Can”. I was talking with my kids this morning as they watched a show on Earth and global warming (its amazing what they see these days compared to the Mr. Rogers and Electric Company shows I watched at their ages). They asked me about how it was going to affect them when they are my age. I sipped my coffee and tried to tell them to enjoy life but to respect the planet they live on. I didn’t want to alarm them. As I spoke they spoke about how an extra degree in temperature affects plant life, sea life, etc. It was pretty dramatic.
I tried to get them off the subject as I read the sports page. There was a great article about Phil Mickelson and how he is having to fight his emotions as well as to find peace in his life while being on stage at the US Open in NYC while his wife is back in California awaiting breast cancer surgery. It was only a year ago that I was at a conference in Boston waiting while my wife was also back in California awaiting what likely is the same surgery the Mickelson’s will be dealing with. While there is nothing they can do but wait, they have to try and live their lives as normally as they can for their kids and their sanity. In a way, going off to play in a golf tournament is probably a good lesson for their children abou how life goes on and to show them that you have to live before you paralyze yourself. Having lived that wait I can only imagine what they are going through as they don’t have the privacy that many people have. I can see Phil lining up a big putt only to see women in pink hats and pink ribbons following him in the gallery. I could never have done that at work! In the article, Phil Mickelson says that he is giving his EVERYTHING this week. I sure hope he just gives it that extra degree, and creates the feel good story of the year, but his odds are long and only because he is human. Here is the article: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/06/18/SPDP189376.DTL
Alas Phil’s story was delayed today because of rains in the East.
Speaking of Earth, heat and rain, I should probably finish and talk about Wind. Tonight I inched toward the 500 mile mark in runnning for the year. Today had been a sunny day but as it goes in San Francisco, the ocean breezes took their place and by the time I ran tonight, it was pretty blustery. I took off into the wind as I ran a mile and a half towards the ocean. The cool breeze felt good against my sunburn I picked up this weekend. Once I reached the beach I turned and went three miles halfway back across the City with a stiff breeze pushing at my back. They say the first and last miles are always the hardest parts of a run, but when I turned back into the ocean breezed for my final mile home, my pace picked up again.
I was interested to see my stats once I uploaded my run data from my Nike ipod. And there it was. My runs into the wind tonight were faster than my speed with the wind. It appears that with Wind resistence to fight, I found that I gave it that extra degree to knife through it. Maybe the path of least resistence isn’t the best one. We all need motivation. And sometimes a little hurdle or an obstacle can create the opportunity to focus and be the best we can be. When the wind was at my back, I was simply coasting.
Maybe that is the lesson for the day. Don’t avoid your obstacles and fears, but rather use them to propel you to new heights.
“If the sun is not shining on you, may it be shining in you.” – Dean Karnazes, Ultra-Marathoner
I’ve been asked by many how my wife is doing physically after her latest procedure and why I don’t discuss it more here. Well fortunately my wife is doing well such that we don’t have to discuss her battle every day. While someone suggested I actually keep a cancer blog and a non-cancer blog, I just don’t have the time. This blog is about my life. Its work. Its family. Its my thoughts all in one place. For anyone who reads this and puts their foot in my shoes, they’ll likely be touched by the same family, work and health issues at some point in their lives. For me it is about finding others like me. Some might be in exactly in the place I am or might have been where I am in the past and help me get through some of life’s issues.
So the answer is: My wife is fine and back at almost normal activity levels although she can’t exercise full on for a few more weeks. She still has some sutures that we don’t want to pop out like they did last time. It is important that the sutures are allowed to heal naturally so that the scars will heal properly.
It has been a little over 6 months since her cancer surgery and it feels like so long ago. It has also been 3 months from the follow up procedure to complete her recovery and those physical scars while fading and healing well do not compare to the mental healing she has done. I have primarily focused on my wife’s mental well-being because I think it is just as important as her physical healing and in many ways I think helps a person to recover.
In fact, her mother always used to say that she knew my wife was feeling better when she started yapping away. Tonight my wife was yapping away about all the plans she had for the next couple of weeks. Of course my telling her to slow down only turned into a mini-discussion in which I told my wife I was so proud of her comeback and the fact that she wanted to relieve me of my worries about her as well as her wanting to show me how she has learned to embrace life more than ever. Holding back a couple weeks should not preclude her from anything that life has left in store for her. It’s like keeping a stallion in the starting gates before a big race!
As I’ve said in the past, my wife is my current inspiration and like everyone I look for different kinds of inspiration physically and mentally all the time. Why is that? I just think that some points of inspiration lose their effectiveness after repetitive use. Sometimes its a song, its a person, its a story, but for me I am constantly in search of a new idea or passion to get me through that next high in life. My wife is learning the same.
She is now in her fourth month of her 36 month trial of monthly shots. I laughed and told her it is like making 36 monthly payments on a car. She gave me a wry smile. Sometimes my analogies make her just cringe. The good news this week is that she got the reports back that she is metabolizing the Tamoxifin very well which means that the drug is taking effect and hopefully the results will be good. The shots are actually for 3 years with the daily drugs taken for 5 years. Her oncologist says her results look good and that she feel comfortable in resuming many of her regular habits and live life. of course my wife’s first question….”Can I have wine?” I laughed, and the doctor, recognizing the humor said, “Moderation is good. Just make sure you make it worth your while.” In other words, don’t waste it on Two Buck Chuck (Charles Shaw, a $2 wine sold at Trader Joes).
Yes my wife is inspired by life in general at the moment and there is nothing more inspiring than to be around someone who really knows how to enjoy life. They shine, they don’t sweat the little things, they somehow don’t get distracted by the bad things, and they are always looking out for others who seem to be stuck. When you surround yourself with people who are living in the moment it can be magical. For the past few weeks I feel as though I’ve been walking around constantly with a light bulb over my head. My own energy is high and my pain is low. My exercise regimen that started just before her diagnosis is now at an all time high and each night my wife inspires me to keep running. The sun is definitely shining on her and within her. I’ll just soak in her rays and feel her warmth.
Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!” – Kenny Chesney
This Time's A Charm by Donald Wilhelm
Well I have the honor of being the last stop on Donald Wilhelm’s “This Time’s A Charm” blog book tour. Before getting into my interview with Donald below, I have to say that I wasn’t sure about reading another cancer book even if he had survived Hodgkins Lymphoma 4 times. Having lost a college roommate to cancer, watching my mom, cousins, aunts and most recently my own wife deal with breast cancer, another book on cancer just didn’t really appeal to me. I’d done a lot of research on my wife’s behalf to help her through her battle against breast cancer this past year and we are just beginning to get our post-cancer lives back. But such as life we find inspiration in all kinds of places from all kinds of people and all kinds of actions.www.thistimesacharm.com or click here to go directly to the Amazon.com purchase page. I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald. If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:
I found Donald’s book to be inspiring, insightful, honest, and just relevant to what I needed. In life I always look for inspiration to help myself and others, and for my mother and wife when they battled breast cancer I always pointed to Lance Armstrong and his mental toughness. There are other celebrity examples out there like Christina Applegate, Sheryl Crow and Patrick Swayze, but Donald’s story hit me not only as a good story about cancer, but a story about life. You see, although it helps, I don’t think you need to be someone touched by cancer to get something out of Donald’s book. Donald’s story doesn’t glamorize anything about his battle and survival which makes it more real and something that anyone touched by cancer or going through troubled times can relate to. Donald takes us through the cold reality of each one of his treatments and surgeries and provides a non-clinical view of what the patient goes through emotionally and physically. Better yet, what Donald does is=2 0typical of his personality. He doesn’t question things without giving his own opinion or answer. He always has his own solution for coping with what a cancer patient will go through.
If you are a Carpe Diem person, someone who believes in the power of positive thinking, or just finds inspiration in real life stories that give you that extra push to remind you about how much you need to respect life and all that surrounds you, then this book is one that I recommend.
I happened to finish this book as I took my wife for a Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas to see Elton John. For me this was my way of saying to my wife that we should get moving with life and start trying to put cancer behind us. It was my wife’s first trip, time away from our kids and time to think of her own pleasure and happiness. As I hit the end of the book and took in it’s messages as our plane descended into Vegas, I found myself nudging my wife and having her read passage after passage. I saw her smiling, nodding and crying as she read each page. She got it. It was time to start living her life
I’m not going to give away the key messages of the book because everyone will take something different from it, but I have some questions for Donald in an interview that will hopefully give you some insight to parts of the book that I really related to the most (especially as a caregiver).
Route53: Donald, let me just s ay that your story is inspiring on some many levels. Even without the message of surviving cancer 4 times I would have found your book inspiring. As a caregiver my first thought was to read who you dedicated the book to: Your wife Amy, friends, family and doctor. As I hit the end of the first page I had to recheck my facts. It talks about your wife Sara (not Amy). It always saddens me to read about a spouse who leave s their loved one at a time of need (What the heck happedned to “in sickness and in health”?). As I read about your separation and other parts of your life I seemed to notice you let people leave your life fairly easily. Is this just the way you wrote the book to not dwell on those matters? Were you not wanting to drag loved ones into your cancer world?
DW: Well, I spent a lot of time while I was isolated with the disease and really took the time to evaluate some of my “friendships” at the time. There’s nothing like a life-threatening disease to help you quickly sift through true friends from the others. What I found was that most of the people I had been spending time with seem to be “takers” and I was always the one that had to be “giving.” I came to realize how draining that had been on me and I knew it couldn’t not continue, nor should it. Life is short. I now choose to spend my time with positive-natured people who only add to my life and don’t detract
from it.
Route53: Although you have fought a strong battle on your own, for me there are three major people who were the core of your battle. In your book, you touch on surrounding yourself with the right people so I would like to focus on these caregivers. Let’s first talk about your choice of Dr. Jeff. In the book you talk about how you chose him. What further insight can you tell us about Dr. Jeff that you found was fitting for you, not just as a doctor, but as a person. Tell us about your relationship with Dr. Jeff today.
DW: Dr. Jeff is simply awesome. He’s very down-to-Earth, yet he is an excellent doctor who’s always up on the latest studies and research. I frankly have no idea how he has enough time in any given day to do what he does. Today, our relationship is as strong as possible. He respects me as a patient who runs his own healthcare team and I respect him as
the quarterback, counting on him to think out-of-the-box at times and run an audible if necessary.
Route53: My favorite person in your book is your cousin Dave, a totally selfless person (although I laughed at the halfway house he created for people and pets). Give Dave a big high five for me. He did more for you than most spouses do for their own loved ones who are suffering from cancer. He just seems to be a guy who puts everyone before himself. Tell us about Dave and the relationship you have with him. What makes him special in your mind that allows him to just give all he has to anyone. Were you two very close before the cancer arrived?
DW: Dave and I were close before my diagnosis. I always said we were part cousins, part brothers and part best friends. I can’t tell you what makes him tick, because honestly, most of the time I’m left scratching my head trying to figure him out. But the one steadfast quality he has, that everyone knows about, is that if you’re in need you can and should count on him.
Route53: Your second wife Amy is obviously a special person to you and helped you with much of the shaping of your life as it is today. My college roommate got married to his highschool sweetheart while he was suffering from cancer as well. If I could have changed one thing about your book, it is that you would have found Amy 5 years earlier. You talk about how Amy didn’t flinch when you told her about your cancer. Tell us what it is about her that is different from your first wife and your other relationship that you had during your battle with cancer. Perhaps Amy knew what she was signing up for in a relationship with you? Is it that she has dealt with cancer before? At the same time, what made you ready to let someone new close into your life at that point in time?
DW: Amy really is an incredible person. She has a heart of gold and simply loves to help other people. But the reason that she was able to stand by me, no matter what, is that she truly understands that none of us are guaranteed any amount of time in this life. Most people say things like, “well, you never know when you’re number will be up.” But I find that when push comes to shove, these same folks panic and cower in fear of death. Amy understands death and isn’t overly afraid of it. That being said, she maintains a healthy zest for life and we live each day to the fullest. Like Kenny Chesney said, “Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to go now!” 😉
Route53: We had the same issue as you with the psychiatrist. When my own wife chose to see a psychiatrist before her bilateral mastectomy, I asked if that doctor had gone through cancer and she hadn’t. At that time I told my wife I didn’t think she needed this woman’s advice. It was the first appointment I didn’t go to with my wife and she became so anxious after her visit that she had to start taking Ativan again. I just want you to know that you would make the perfect psychiatrist for cancer patients. Have you realized that you have become the answer for what you yourself needed? I noticed on another blog that you are continuing to help with Dr. Jeff’s patients.
DW: Actually, that’s a great way to put that. I do, now, know that the answers I need were inside of me all the time. I have simply learn to ask different questions of myself, thereby making the game of life a bit easier to win. And why wouldn’t we do it that way?
As for me becoming a therapist, I kinda already view myself as such, but in a very informal manner. I’m trained by life, and my advice is simple and hard hitting. In fact, this is the reason that I wrote my book. So that whomever needed or wanted to fully understand my story, could just pick up a copy and read it at their own pace. I’ve found most people have been reading it multiple times and gaining more perspectives from it each time.
Route53: Chapter 11 and the catchy title you give it was that rough point in your battle. In a way I looked at it as an almost necessary evil. My feeling is that everyone hits that point in their recovery. Maybe not as reckless as you became, but I’m sure there are people who can relate to that chapter in some small way. Like you I believe in experiential learning. I’m sure you got something positive out of that time of your life. Can you share with us what experiences or learnings you got out of that time of your life helped shape your philosphy today?
DW: I think the most important lessons I learned from that period of my life was to watch your emotions and actively managed them. It’s hard for me to really remember that time of my life and what I must have been feeling inside. I must have been very lonely. Fortunately now, I know that I’ll never end up in the place again.
Route53: You ask your readers to read Dr. Phil’s “Self Matters” and Rhonda Walker’s, “The Secret”. Do you have any other good inspirational books or articles that we should read? Have you be en inspired in your battle? If so, who has been your inspiration?
DW: I’d definitely recommend Anthony Robbins’ “Now Awaken the Giant Within.”
Route53: What have you personally gained from writing this book that you didn’t expect or maybe were not quite expecting?
DW: Great question Erik. Well I’d say the biggest surprise is my readers’ responses to it. I was hopeful that everyone would like the book, but the depth of the feedback I get is overwhelming at times. My book seems to touch people in a way that really makes a positive and LASTING impact on their lives. That’s an incredible feeling for me!
SUMMARY: If you want to purchase This Time’s A Charm, please go to: www.thistimesacharm.com I have personally purchased an additional copy for a friend and fellow parent who is similarly diagnosed to Donald. If you haven’t read the previous blog tour entries, follow this schedule:
“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule
I have just finished a book by Donald Wilhelm called “This Time’s A Charm”. Its about Donald’s fight to survive cancer 4 times and beat the odds. To me this is more than a cancer book but a personal philosophy book that I think anyone should read whether you’ve had cancer or not. I am part of Donald’s blog book tour (the last stop) and hope you all can follow along:
“This Time’s a Charm” Cancer Blog Book Tour Schedule
I will publish more on my thoughts and feelings as well as ask Donald some questions that will be published on 3/1 right here along with Donald’s answers.
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back – Chinese proverb
Crossing the Golden Gate
This weekend I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge early in the morning and listening to John Legend’s “This Time”. It was a crisp morning and we were on our way to our son’s basketball game. It was a family moment with our two children in the back seat, but as my wife turned up the volume and sang along, it became her moment and we all listened. It is hard to explain the feeling when you listen to someone is appreciating what they have and is inspired by their own journey. My wife never has been one to turn up the volume, but the song and the beauty of the morning sun gleaming off one of our country’s iconic monuments probably hit her. I quickly captured the moment with my camera phone.
During the game I pulled out a copy of “This Time’s A Charm”, a book that I’m reading by Don Wilhelm, 4 time cancer survivor. I’ll be part of his Book Blog tour which I will be part of during the beginning of March. Don shows the power of positive thinking. He does not claim it will heal all people, but I personally believe it affects those around you to see such a strong attitude when things are at their lowest. I will write more about the book in the future, but I sat next to one of the other dads on the team. He has lymphoma and has been suffering for three years and I know it has taken a toll on his family and his life. I’ve asked myself if I should offer the book to him to read, but it is not my place.
Back to my wife we took the weekend in stride and went after life. We fixed things in the house like the broken lighting in our bathroom. We also arranged our next vacation, played with our kids and let them help decide where we should go next. We want to expand their life experiences while they are young and innocent. Our lives are touched and we are grateful for all that we have. Despite my wife’s positive prognosis and people telling her how inspired they are by how she has responded, she has (and so do I) felt that her battle is nothing compared to what others have been through or are going through. This weekend my wife heard from an online friend who has the same physicians and it always reminds her that she is one of many and that her struggle is still ongoing. At the same time we heard from my wife’s brother than he and his wife are having their second child, a girl, this summer. Along with my inlaw’s 50th wedding anniversary, this is shaping up to be a pretty eventful summer!
Tonight we watched the 60 Minutes special of local hero Chesley Sullenberger, the captain of US Airways flt 1549 that landed safely in the Hudson River with all 155 passengers and crew surviving. He said in the interview that he didn’t think what he did should be warranting so much praise, but he understands the gratitude and is still learning how his actions can be so lauded even though what happened to him is something he had always wanted to avoid (losing a plane). It is so amazing that what this guy did was such a success and textbook yet he felt so bad and questioned his actions as to whether he could have done better. To me that is the parallel. This man is just trying to make his path, his road down life and yet everyone is looking to him as an inspiration. It isn’t just the 155 lives he saved that day, but all the people who were inspired by him and all the lives he affected through the relatives of those 155 people who are still alive today.
For me this week the road will continue and I will look forward to hearing and observing new stories that help me navigate this world and help me educate my children as to the importance of living life to the fullest.
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
— Winston Churchill
The Santa Monica Boardwalk this evening
I have always sought inspiration through true life stories. I guess I never thought it would come from my life partner.
Those who know me and see me every day will tell you that over the past year I’ve lost over 10 pounds, ran over 1200 miles last year and can run a 5k faster than I did 20+ years ago when I was in highschool and college. That might seem trivial to those who exercise daily, but ever since I’ve graduated from high school I never had the drive for long periods of time to work out religiously and take care of myself. Why now? How do you find that kind of drive?
Last year when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was down, but my wife told me to make sure I kept running. The week after she was diagnosed I remember watching Forrest Gump with my children and there is this scene where his love, Jenny tells him, “If you ever get in trouble, don’t try and be brave. Just run.” There is a scene where Forrest doesn’t know what to do and starts running. I’ve been doing the same, although I ran with purpose. My wife is my inspiration.
We all get inspired by bigger than life stories. The pilot who saved 155 people by landing his plane in the Hudson, the new President who is breaking many barriers, the man who risked his life to save an unconscious mom and her two toddlers from a burning home, etc. Sometimes we see movies like the first one I ever saw called “Brian’s Song” that had cancer involved and get inspired for the moment or for a period of time.
But when we live with someone who inspires you on a daily basis it changes you. My wife has to take pills every day, get shots once a month and every day think that there still might be a cancer in her body that might come back to haunt her. Yet every day, she kisses me, makes breakfast, smiles and goes about her work. All those pills, shots and everyday worries are not something she shares with me unless I ask. I don’t ask because I want her to feel like life is as normal as can be as that is the way she wants to live it every once in a while. She wants to put away that she is a Cancer Survivor. She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s handicapped. How can you not be inspired when the person who shares a bed with you every night does so with smile on her face. She’s had two surgeries and is staring a third in the face, yet she is wanting to bring it on. She’s had 14 hours of anaesthesia in less than 6 months. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have those hours missing from my memory.
The other night she caught me staring at her sleeping before I went to bed. I wanted to soak in her peacefulness, her beauty and my appreciation for her to still be with me and our children. She asked me if anything was wrong and I just smiled and she gave me that knowing kiss that all wives will give when they know you appreciate them. It’s the same kiss you get when you stand before all your friends and family the day you get married and state your love for each other.
Today I am off away on business again. Away from my family. It hurts to be away knowing my wife is still not 100% yet, but she’d not want it any other way. Tonight I had a chance to visit the Santa Monica Boardwalk (see photo). I told my business partner (no offense) that I wished it was my wife with me instead. She deserved this sunset on this beautiful evening more than I did.
“Life is a Highway, I want to ride it all night long” – Rascal Flatts
People have emailed me and asked why I title many of my posts as Life is a Highway. Well it is the name of a little song by a country band, Rascal Flatts. I’m not a country enthusiast but I find the song catchy, uplifting and I found the lyrics to how I want to live life:
One of my main points that I live my life by is to enjoy the journey because sometimes no matter how great the reward is at the end, the effort and experience of getting there is more rewarding. Whether it is driving across the country and enjoying the beautiful scenery, completing a huge task successfully with a group of people who show a great sense of teamwork, or fighting cancer and finding out who your friends really are, there are so many journeys that we all take each day. The car, my car, Herbie, is also my vehicle that gets me around town. to me there is no other car windshield that I ‘d rather watch people through as my journey crosses the streets of San Francisco each day. I was lucky to be born in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and there is no use avoiding its rich culture and history.
Someone else asked me why I seem to write my updates late at night. Well it is usually the first time all day that I take for myself and I often go running late at night. It is so peaceful out and I run like I live my life. I’ve always been a distance runner and when I run I love to soak in the surroundings. I get to run two very beautiful streets at night which are now lined with holiday lights already. Tonight I soaked in the crisp air, stared at the full moon through the branches, and window shopped along world famous Fillmore St. and Sacramento St. . Window shopping is really cheap when all the stores are closed already. Smelling the perfume of women walking home, men smelling like their fifth bourbon, and the smells of the fries from the Johnny Rockets burger joint all are spices of life that I soak in on my run each evening.
It’s not just my journey that I enjoy, but the journeys of others.
Why run? Why run so late? Running is for my life. High Cholesterol runs in my family and I do it for me and my kids. Blogging is for me and my kids too. I was a terrible history student , but I do vow that I will not repeat my dad’s mistakes. Although my dad was a wonderful dad, he kept his feelings to himself. The stresses I think ultimately led to his heart attack. Expressing myself is something I aim to do through my blogging. My goal is to be there for my grandchildren. I want to give back to them. With our generation living longer than our ancestors ever did, I hope to be able to give to my grandchildren life lessons that my own father never got to provide to his own grandchildren.
I mentioned my wife’s cancer. It has been a rough journey. Someone asked me why I wouldn’t want to talk about such a horrible experience. Well life has many bumps and we tend to suppress the bad memories and focus on the good ones. For me this journey through cancer has been a great learning experience for me. I’ve learned so much about myself, my love for my wife, and my respect for the limited time we have on this Earth. I will never forget these days, the pain, the joys and the many people I may never see again. And if I do, I can look back and hopefully see a person on these pages who has grown.
“We have so many different stories, and one single destiny”
When I went running tonight (it is usually where I do my thinking) I replayed this historic week and its place in history. Our first President of ethnicity is one piece. The way he was able to gain the support of the majority of our country in just 22 months with a grass roots campaign through modern communication techniques was brilliant yet a throwback to traditional ways of fundraising and campaigning.
Whether you were for or against the President-elect I looked at it as a big time in our society and a great learning one. I wasn’t alive for JFK or for MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech, I hear the stories of the many people who know where they were when they heard that speech. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing Barack Obama’s “Yes We Can” speech will be one for the ages.
That is why I had my 9 year old son listen to both John McCain’s concession speech and Barack Obama’s victory speech with me. My 6 year old daughter is too young. While I know it might have been boring to an adult’s ear, I’m sure for a young kid that it might not have meant much. I just wanted my son to remember sitting on the couch with his dad while he listened. I told him that he didn’t need to remember the speech but to remember and take something from the speech. When it was over, I asked him what he got out of it. he mentioned the 100 year old lady who had seen a lot of change. He then said, “We are country full of people with many stories, yet one destiny”.
I asked if he understood and he told me that like our family, we are four different people with different storied , but we do things together as a family. Just like a team. Kids are so great. Their minds are clear and they help us see things in a different light. I hadn’t even picked up that line until my son mentioned it. Over the next several days I applied it on many different levels. I applied it to Work, Family , and even my classmates that I saw at my 25th high school reunion. The stories are diverse and should be celebrated.
Most importantly I thought about the many stories of the women such as my wife and mother who have battled or are battling cancer. Their stories are varied yet all of these women have one destiny and that is to find the cure for and beat cancer. Their stories have inspired me. I was talking to my wife who told me that a mom wanted to interview her because she found my wife to be an inspiration. While my wife does not find herself to be an inspiring figure, she was flattered and it made her feel good.
I reminded my wife that change begins from within. We recounted how my mother has changed in her fight over the last 5 years. I told her that she shouldn’t passively be an inspiration, but to be a little more active in how she affects others. We agreed that it is a time to say “Yes We Can” and I say that in a non-political way, but at an individual interest level.
For me, as we approach this holiday season and I look forward to this work week, I will bring my own destiny and inspiration to my actions.
Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears – it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more – it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity.
— Oliver Sacks Neurologist and author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain
The above quote was on my Starbucks cup of coffee this afternoon. It seems appropriate given the feeling my wife had after the Madonna concert this past weekend. The music inspired her to take action.
She is getting impatient though. Her exchange surgery has been delayed and she doesn’t seem to be getting a response. I know she wants to get the expanders removed ASAP. She has seen that her initial scars from the surgery have already healed. She is already started to lessen her medication and is now ready for the final removal if we can get a date for the final exchange. Once again the waiting game is affecting us.
Her strength those is inspiring me. I am so impressed by her ability to move forward. Her ability to manage the kids, her job, the house, our crazy family schedule and her own illness is something I am unable to feel or understand. All I can do is give her my undying support and make her feel loved and appreciated. It is all I’ve got. I wish I could do more. Right now though I know she also wants and needs her parents and i need them to understand that they can’t wait for her to ask for them but rather for them to show their unrequested support. It will only help in her healing process. The scars are there, but the pain and feeling of hope will make her feel better
