Tag Archives: reconstruction

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight, Route 53 - Life is A Highway

Racing Down the Highway – Life is a Highway

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I’m Driving like Hell, Racing Down the Highway – Blake Shelton

Although the lyrics above are from a song about a guy who realized he let his woman get away without telling her how much she means to him (which is not my case), those words seems to express my feelings these days about how my life is going.  I feel like I’m spending my days on those things which I shouldn’t and not on the people and things that matter.  Have I lost perspective?  It’s so easy to find your way in life one day and then lose it.  Yes, just like driving without a map, going 85 mph and not talking to the other people in the back seat.

 As I write this I’m sitting in the 3rd Floor waiting room of the CPMC Carol Franc Buck Cancer Clinic waiting for my wife who is undergoing her 3 hour reconstruction which includes a brief procedure from her cancer surgeon to clear margins that will help reduce her chance of cancer returning.  This surgery will be about half the time of her original surgery.  It is a weird feeling as I felt so prepared for her original surgery that today’s procedure both of us felt so unprepared.  The results maybe aren’t so much about mortality I guess, but I feel like I haven’t given today’s proceedings as much attention as they deserve.  The same goes with the time I’ve had to spend with our kids. 

Last night we each had a brain dump of thoughts.  When we communicate it is almost like a game of chess with a time clock.  First me for 1 minute, then her for a minute, then me, then her, etc.  We race through topics such as how she ran into her friend Jessica at the Starbucks (Jessica is also a breast cancer survivor and an inspiration to my wife), how our son was nominated for a summer Young Scholars program, holiday dinner plans, coordinating pick up of her parents from the airport, etc.  This type of communication might not work for many, but it works for us.  Twenty-four years together will do that to you.  In the end we finally smiled and did a sanity check (maybe it should be an insanity check).  How are we feeling?  Are we prepared for this next surgery?  Is she feeling side effects from the hormone therapy? Apologies to each other are also part of the conversation.  These are mostly from me for the guilt of not being there as much as I wish I could, but she understands the stress we are all going through.  Who says love is about never having to say you’re sorry?

Back to the present, I’m sitting here waiting with two other gentlemen and have about 90 more minutes to go of waiting.  The smile on her face as she chatted her way through the swinging surgical doors are so typical of her, and so atypical of the image of someone going in for a major surgery.  The looks of concern on their faces tell me that their cases seem more grave.  There is a certain somberness in this room that hits me and reminds me of sitting in this room three months ago.  There is a déjà vu with the smells and sounds all around me.  I hope we never have to be here again.  Once again the stress and anxiety of the week have caught up.  The sleepless nights have me and I need to rest.

The next 90 minutes are going to be spent napping and listening to an iPod mix of inspirational songs.

Hopefully the next couple of days will let me catch up, slow down and give everything its proper attention.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

5 More Days with Drains – Post Breast Cancer Surgery

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“It ain’t over til it’s over”

Well today was our post -op visit with the plastic surgeon.  We did learn that an initial 150ccs were inserted and he put in another 100 today.  If chemo is needed he will likely be almost done with everything before then. 

It was the first time I’d seen him smile too.  We got to know him a little more as he fixed her dressings again and injected more fluid.  Luckily they gave us more bandages because the nurse did not apply the dressings appropriately and my wife was leaking vascular fluid.  When I got home, my wife asked me to reapply the gauze and bandages.  This was actually the toughest job yet.  We had just hit the weekend and hopefully I did it right or someone would have to take my wife back in this weekend.  It was frankly a little too close  for me.

We still were not ready to remove the drains and they recommended keeping them in another 5 days. Ugggh.  I saw the sadness in her eyes.  I know they are uncomfortable for her and when they tried to push the date to next Friday I knew we had to fight for a Wednesday appointment.  I guess the fighting isn’t done yet.  It ain’t over til its over I told her.  She apologized that I still had to drive her everywhere and I told her no apology was necessary.  How anyone does this alone is just brutal,  She needs to be able to get out and become mobile again and I know she is getting antsy.  The drains are definitely not pleasant to look at for sure and cannot be that comfortable.

We at least have our next three appointments settled for the plastic surgeon, the removal of the drains, and the initial meeting with our oncologist who is supposedly one of the best nationally so we feel very fortunate that she is able to take our case.

Other than the darned trains and discomfort she is feeling okay after today’s procedure.  i guess that is easy for me to say, but I’m sure going to be glad when the coming week is over.  I know she is thinking the same thing.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Stand Up 2 Cancer (4 days to go) – Final meeting with Reconstruction Surgeon

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“Be your own miracle”

– From “Stand Up” by Beyonce Knowles

Four days to go and the reminders seem to be all around us.  There were women walking in all shades of pink around the city in their Walk against Breast Cancer.  Our daughter asked why mommy was waiving at them,  “Because I am one of them and they are walking for me”, she said.  Then tonight was a major event for the organization Standup2cancer.org.   I think it was a landmark event.  It took just an hour but it was a fundraiser to bring ALL cancer research together.  Some crazy stats:

  • Cancer takes so many forms and one person in America dies from cancer every minute.  
  • Every other person in this world will have some form of cancer 
  • 500,000 Americans will die of cancer this year (1500 each day)

I actually watched the show alone as it was uplifting to the point of shedding a tear.  My wife is going through so many emotions right now we agreed to Tivo it and let her just watch it after the surgery.

I also didn’t go with my wife to her last meeting with the reconstruction surgeon.  I just thought it better that she ask her own questions and give her my questions on paper (of course she didn’t ask them).  I mostly worried about her balance and how steady she might be although I know most people are walking around the next day.  He had some good recommendations about relieving the pain and making sure not to let the drains hang too low as that is why they are painful.  He said that ticket holders (hey my profession comes in handy) are great to put them in  so they don’t pull on your skin.  He also said that the tissue expanders aren’t as painful as some people think.   It was a relatively short meeting so I think it came out okay.  My wife had a few other personal questions about the recovery but the doctor seems to have given her all the right answers or at least the ones she wanted to hear.  He told her that most of his work would be done two weeks after the surgery and just to watch under the bandages for any swelling or infections (redness).

At the end of the day we are exhausted once again, but it always is nice to catch up.  It has become our daily ritual to check in with each other and see where we are mentally.  She’s still a bit anxious, but more anxious to get this cancer out of her body and move on.  Me, I feel like I’ve been managing the emotions of two people and she knows that.  I told her that I’d rather be on the table next Tuesday unconscious because I don’t think I can spend 5 hours waiting around.  I’ll need to buy a new pair of running shoes.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Telling people about your cancer (TMI) – A Loving Fight

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“Save your energy and emotions and let me be your voice.  People can be frustrating, but they mean well.”

My wife and I need to develop a communication plan. First she is getting hit with lots of questions from all the people she has told and secondly,  she is getting inundated with those three major questions which are slightly uncomfortable: 1) Are you going to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy?  2) Are you going to get reconstruction.  3) What size do you think you’ll get?

Hey people?  She’s got cancer?  How about waiting to see?  I know we all have a curiosity factor, but come on!  My wife has been pretty good about this, but our communication strategy has broken down and she doesn’t know how to stop it.  So from now on she is just going to tell people that she is waiting to see what the doctor says.  Well that is partly our fault.  We don’t need to tell everyone.  We don’t want pity.  We want something else.  Well what is that?

Really, the key to all of this is to create a vision. 

We’ve broken it down to: 1) Immediate Family, 2) related family, 3) close friends, 4) School and work social circles, and 5) casual friends.  Only 1, 2, and 3 we are telling about the surgery for sure.  Only #1 needs to know the details of scope and such.

As I mentioned, we have a vision and my wife have discovered this vision as we’ve met people that have had cancer and are helping us.  Every time we find someone has had cancer, we are shocked.  We say, “Wow, you look great!  We never knew!  When did you have it?”  Every time we do that there is a joy in their face!  They know that we are genuinely surprised and are happy that they are healthy and doing well.  It is so much better than the sorrowful look of having to tell people you have cancer as they look for away to ask if they can help and then clumsily ask too many questions.

So we are working on our cancer epitaph.  What do we want people to say to us when we kick this thing.  We want high 5’s , wows, and congratulations.  That is what we want and are going to strive for.  We are only telling people who can help us and that need to know.  No need for sorrow or pity. 

Now be sure to get back to me here on this.  I’m going to come back to this section in November and hopefully we’ll be getting those pats on the back.  They are so much better.

Breast Cancer - A Loving Fight

Gathering Inspiration Daily in a Fight Against Breast Cancer

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“Everyday I’m reminded of another reason why I love you so much”

I think one of the pieces of the healing process during the journey from diagnosis to surgery to recovery and treatment is hearing the stories of so many other women.  Amazingly enough I still haven’t heard a story that I felt is exactly like my wife’s.    Today a woman who is helping another woman in her recovery told me about her patient who is getting tattoos on her nipples after having a bilateral mastectomy and has been trying to find the right tattoo artist for the procedure coontacted me via this blog.  I responded to tell her that my wife’s situation was slightly different.

As I’ve been told, my wife will be able to maintain her nipples.  This is called a skin saving procedure or something like that.  Frankly when they told us this was an option during the counseling I didn’t react.  I wasn’t even sure what was the appropriate reaction for a husband in that moment.  It has been a couple days since then and all I can say is that I truly married my wife for the woman that she is.  Her external beauty would not be there if her inner light wasn’t so bright.  If she needs her breasts reconstructed to make her feel good, and that means it will enable her to keep up the spirit I fell in love with, then I will take whatever she wants.

I know there are many women who get bilateral mastectomies with different consequences:  Some don’t get reconstructive surgery at all, some decide to delay or can’t get reconstructive until later, some have reconstructive where they lose their nipples and have to have them tattooed on, some just never get them tattooed on, or in the case of my wife (this is the option that has been discussed to this point), she will have immediate reconstructive without losing her nipples.  This was an option I didn’t even know existed at the time where we walked into the doctor’s office.  They say that no matter what there is some loss of feeling.

But like I said, there are so many variables that breast cancer can throw at you which will change the possible opportunities.  My mother-in-law decided to have a double mastectomy (cancer had only been found in one breast) and never had reconstruction.  My own mother decided against a lumpectomy and had just a unilateral mastectomy without reconstruction.  My wife had the otpion of just a lumpectomy.  Family history, age and actually my wife’s current breast size had a large impact in the choice she/we have made.

We are going to take a break for a little family vacation before resuming with meetings with the plastic surgeon, getting the MRI and having some genetic testing done.  Still a while to go so a little recharge of batteries will be needed.

As for me, I’m finding myself still needing to talk about my wife with my own friends.  It helps me to talk about it and fortunately my co-workers and friends have been so supportive.  Telling them how my wife is fighting hard also makes them feel good to.  They are my inspiration.  Their wishes and prayers are not taken for granted and the fact that they are doing this for my wife makes me even more inspired to work harder for her and to show her my love will never waver.